Pardon The Pundit Home
news RSS Feed Twitter
HomeNewsNotesAboutJoin UsYouTube VideosFacebookDrafthouse
Pardon The Pundit News Feed
Obama supporters that voted for Walker claim they were intimidated by Chuck Norris
Facebook Facebook Facebook Facebook Facebook Facebook
6/6/2012 8:15 PM Matt Rock - Wisconsin's recall election last night saw the incumbent Republican Scott Walker retain his hotly-contested seat. 36% of union households and 17% of self-identified Obama supporters backed Walker, despite his having declared war on public unions and his myriad of insults to teachers, police officers, and firefighters.

But some of the people who voted for Walker last night are saying they would have voted for Walker's rival, Milwaukee Mayor Tom Barrett (D), had it not been for Chuck Norris. Norris, who put out phone calls for Governor Walker last week, reportedly threatened a number of Wisconsin voters with physical violence.

“He ordered me to vote for Walker, `or else.' You don't say no to Chuck Norris,” said one Wisconsin voter, who begged us to remain anonymous. “When God has sex, he screams `Chuck Norris.' We didn't have seasons before Chuck Norris... he pees in the snow and spring comes. He doesn't have a `CTRL' button on his keyboard, because Chuck Norris is always in control!”

Another voter also reported intimidation at the hands of Chuck Norris. “If you go to Google and type in `find Chuck Norris,' then click `I'm Feeling Lucky,' that pretty much sums up what I need to say about why I voted for Governor Scott Walker last night. Have you ever heard of Pangaea? When all of the continents were together? The other ones found out Chuck Norris was American! You just don't mess with a guy like that!”
 - Return to Previous Page
PARDON THE PUNDIT TOURING COMPANY LIVE

Showcase - 6 Cast Members (Stand-Up, Improv, Sketch) 75 mins
Feb 24th & 25th 7:30PM/9:45PM at Harman Center for the Arts Downtown DC - $20

Comedy Caucus - 3 Cast Members (Stand-Up) 50 mins
Monday Feb 13th 8PM at Corner Store Arts Capitol Hill - $10


ADVERTISING - COMEDY AT THE ARLINGTON DRAFTHOUSE

Hal Sparks Live at the Drafthouse
Hal Sparks Live at the Drafthouse

Cool Cow Comedy Showcase in The Green Room - ONLY $10 (Featuring Ryan Conner)
Cool Cow Comedy Showcase in The Green Room - ONLY $10 (Featuring Ryan Conner)

Jay Pharoah from Saturday Night Live at the Arlington Drafthouse
Jay Pharoah from Saturday Night Live at the Arlington Drafthouse

Steve Lemme and Kevin Heffernan from Super Troopers and Beerfest
Steve Lemme and Kevin Heffernan from Super Troopers and Beerfest

Cinematic Titanic (Creators of Mystery Science Theater) LIVE at the Arlington Drafthouse
Cinematic Titanic (Creators of Mystery Science Theater) LIVE at the Arlington Drafthouse

Porkchop Volcano - Live Short Form Improv Comedy in The Green Room - FREE ADMISSION
Porkchop Volcano - Live Short Form Improv Comedy in The Green Room - FREE ADMISSION

Matt Braunger from Letterman, The Tonight Show and MADtv at the Arlington Drafthouse
Matt Braunger from Letterman, The Tonight Show and MADtv at the Arlington Drafthouse

Neal Brennan Co-Creator of Chappelle’s Show at the Arlington Drafthouse
Neal Brennan Co-Creator of Chappelle’s Show at the Arlington Drafthouse




Powered By Hypertext Media
© PardonThePundit - ABOUT | JOIN | TERMS

Pardon The Pundit is a political satire publication that parodies the news and creates fake news. None of our postings should be regarded as truthful, and none of our references of an individual seeks to inflict malice or emotional harm. We are just ridiculous.