Pardon The Pundit News Feed
Postal workers go on eating binge in protest of congress
6/26/2012 9:00 AM Matt Rock -
Groups of current and retired employees of the United States Postal Service announced today that they'll be engaging in protests all across America starting tomorrow morning. But while initial reports claimed that the protests would involve hunger strikes, PTP has learned that these intrepid workers are going to brave snow, hail, sleet, and rain – and lots and lots of hotdogs – to prove their point.
“I don't know how the media got the impression that we were going on a hunger strike. We've been starving for years. It hasn't proved anything,” said Brian Jacobs, 44, who joined the USPS staff 12 years ago. “Our plan is way more intricate than that. We're going to use food stamps, and gobble up as much food as we can for the next year. That'll show those jerks in Congress who they're messing with!”
The angered workers say that their plan would involve the protesters cramming their faces with the most expensive foods and beverages they can purchase on the taxpayer's dime. They believe they might be able to increase the national debt, which in turn would force their opponents in Congress, most of whom are Republicans that support a free market postal service, to give up some ground in their debate. They're also confident that the postal service slowing down due to all of that excess chubbiness would drive people to their cause as well. - Return to Previous Page
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