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John McCain makes startling VP suggestion to Romney campaign
6/27/2012 3:20 PM Matt Rock -
Arizona Senator and former 2008 GOP presidential nominee John McCain revealed that he recently contacted current presumptive GOP presidential nominee Mitt Romney to propose a woman that he believes would be excellent for the position of vice president, insisting that Romney at least consider her as the second name on his 2012 ticket.
And no, it isn't “her.”
“I met this amazing woman at a diner in Arizona last weekend, named Sheila Manning. She's as real an American as a real American can get,” explained John McCain. “I only spoke with her for a few minutes, but I know how to pick the winners, and Sheila? That's a woman whose going places. Big places!”
PTP was able to track down Ms. Manning, who agreed to speak with us on the condition that we tip her extra. “Yeah, Romney's people contacted me, who the fuck cares? He's a jerk. They're all jerks. Obama, Clinton, Bush, my boss Harry. You put a man in control, and look at the world! The whole damn thing is run by men, and ain't none of 'em know what the hell they're doing! We don't need men, just women! Women and cats! Lots of cats!”
We asked Sheila what she thought of the offer. “Hell yeah I would do it, because then I'd get to talk about the issues that really matter, you know? Like evolution. Evolution ain't real. It's a conspiracy started by men to make other men feel confident that women and cats aren't equal to them. Well I say that's a bunch of hooey! If I were president, I'd exterminate all the men! We don't need 'em! I got a foot-long toy at home that's more man than my ex-husband ever was, stupid jerk! You don't need no man to snuggle with, neither. I'm telling you... cats!”
In closing, we asked Sheila if she had any policies not related to her hatred of men or her love of cats. “Sure I do! We need to make rich people pay their damn taxes without crying about it. We need to just invade Iran and get that shit taken care of. And Congress? Fire every last one of 'em. I ain't no Democrat, and I ain't no Republican. I'm me damn it! Well, I'm me and my baby, Mr. Snuffles. That's my toy, not my cat. You said not to bring up cats so I was just explaining that.” - Return to Previous Page
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