Pardon The Pundit News Feed
Romney: “I thought medical waste/ fetus disposal firm was a smoothie shop”
7/2/2012 8:22 PM Matt Rock -
Presumptive GOP nominee Mitt Romney is facing what some are calling the biggest controversy of his political career, as the media is learning that Romney's vulture capitalism firm, Bain Capital, had invested $75 million in a company called Stericycle, a medical waste disposal firm that handled aborted fetuses. Mother Jones obtained an SEC document signed by Romney himself, listing Romney officially as a participant in the deal, despite Bain's earlier denial that Romney was involved.
Romney was caught off-guard by a gaggle of reporters earlier today, but managed to flee to the privacy of his hotel suite. However, PTP, always a step ahead of the journalism pack, was lying in wait for him, stealing his complementary soaps and raiding his minibar. We asked him point-blank about the growing Stericycle controversy.
“I signed on because I thought Stericycle was a smoothie business,” Romney explained, snatching pretzels out of our hands and eying his Secret Service detail angrily. “They showed us these pictures of a soupy pink substance. I thought it was Italian ice or something. How was I supposed to know that gooey paste was getting disposed of as medical waste? You wouldn't have guessed that!”
“And you know, I don't think this scandal is even relevant anyway,” Romney continued, going about his business and folding his magical Mormon underpants as if we weren't in the room. “You forget that I was pro-choice before I was pro-life before I was pro-choice before I was pro-life before I was REALLY pro-life before I was pro-choice before I was on the fence before I was pro-life before I ate tacos and said I don't give a shit before I was pro-choice before I was pro life before I was pro-choice before I was pro-life before I didn't even know what the hell abortion even was. So what was I when I signed the Stericycle deal? Your guess is as good as mine. Maybe a bit better, actually.” - Return to Previous Page
|
|
|
|
ARCHIVES
ADVERTISING - COMEDY AT THE ARLINGTON DRAFTHOUSE
Cool Cow Comedy Showcase in The Green Room - ONLY $10 (Featuring Ryan Conner)
Jay Pharoah from Saturday Night Live at the Arlington Drafthouse
Steve Lemme and Kevin Heffernan from Super Troopers and Beerfest
Cinematic Titanic (Creators of Mystery Science Theater) LIVE at the Arlington Drafthouse
Porkchop Volcano - Live Short Form Improv Comedy in The Green Room - FREE ADMISSION
Matt Braunger from Letterman, The Tonight Show and MADtv at the Arlington Drafthouse
Neal Brennan Co-Creator of Chappelle’s Show at the Arlington Drafthouse
Powered By Hypertext Media© PardonThePundit - ABOUT | JOIN | TERMS
Pardon The Pundit is a political satire publication that parodies the news and creates fake news. None of our postings should be regarded as truthful,
and none of our references of an individual seeks to inflict malice or emotional harm. We are just ridiculous.
|