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First Daughter Malia Obama celebrates 14th birthday with “high-security party”
7/5/2012 10:52 AM Matt Rock -
Yesterday wasn't only Independence Day... it was also the birthday of First Daughter Malia Obama, who celebrated her 14th in a special gathering in the White House East Room this afternoon. The media weren't allowed access to the private party, but we did manage to speak with a few guests as they left the White House last evening, to get their impressions of the event.
“My daughter had a lovely time. I just wish my son was allowed to come,” said one guest, who asked to remain anonymous. “The President made it clear that boys were allowed to come, but then he explained how awesome it is having the ability to blow up any building in the world with reaper drones, including houses in the US. So yeah, we left him at home today.”
“I was hoping to bring all three of my kids, but I decided to leave my two boys at home,” said another guest. “My husband asked Barack if our sons could come, but then he started talking about rendition, and graphically described waterboarding. My husband tried to laugh it off, but then Barack started talking about Gitmo, so we RSVP's for our daughter and me. My husband decided to stay home, because like our sons, he also has a penis.”
Rumors are spreading through DC today that one family decided to forgo the President's repeated warnings, and bring their son Tyler to the White House. Witnesses claim that a team of commandos hijacked that family's car, kidnapped the whole family, and whisked them off in the back of a van, allegedly framing the scene of the crime on the Supreme Court Justices that voted against Obamacare. However, no one here at PTP is brave enough to verify if this actually happened, because we have families and friends that would miss us. - Return to Previous Page
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