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Sylvester Stallone, Ozzy Osbourne, others to be speakers at GOP convention
8/6/2012 8:05 PM Matt Rock -
The 2012 Republican National Convention is set to take place near the end of August in Tampa, Florida, and the GOP has finally announced the headlining speakers that will take center stage during the event. And much to everyone's surprise, most of them are barely capable of speaking audibly.
“This hasn't been the best year for Republicans,” admitted RNC Chairman Reince Priebus. “It's just been gaffe after gaffe after gaffe in the 2012 elections. It's amazing Mitt Romney is even still in the race, let alone cruising toward an official party nomination. That whole dog-on-a-car-roof thing nearly wiped out our whole party.”
“We just want to get through this convention with as little controversy as possible,” Priebus continued. “So we decided to make our main speakers, the headlining acts, people that can't really speak legible English. Sylvester Stallone, Ozzy Osbourne, Tony Danza, pretty much everyone in country music... they'll be leading the event, and then the political figures will go on later, after the networks turn off their cameras and mics.”
Former California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger was nearly booked for the convention, but had to cancel at the last minute due to “personal matters.” Many in the media questioned whether or not Schwarzenegger was sick, but the “Terminator” star released a brief press statement, informing the world that “it's not a tumah.” - Return to Previous Page
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