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LIFE ON MARS! Rover finds civilization of Hillary Clinton worshipers
8/10/2012 7:05 AM Matt Rock
Curiosity, the Mars rover that recently touched down on the red planet, has already managed to make a startlingly “curious” discovery on our celestial neighbor... an entire underground civilization of intelligent life, made up of millions of strange green alien creatures that apparently worship Secretary of State Hillary Clinton as “some sort of Goddess,” according to NASA officials.
NASA says that the aliens received newscasts from Earth dating back to the early 1990's. They theorize that Clinton's shrewd, cold voice and perilous stares have had a “mesmerizing effect” on the Martians, and that they've very closely followed her every move up to and after the 2008 presidential primary, when she was defeated by then-Senator Barack Obama.
“The Martian beings are living out their `new testament' in slightly-delayed real time,” explained NASA Administrator Charles Bolden, during a Cape Canaveral press conference early this morning. “They've followed the story of Secretary Clinton as she fought for health care, dealt with the shame and defeat of her husband's infidelity, took up arms as a Senator in New York State, lost to President Obama in the primary, and then became his `servant,' as they say, in the White House. They love them some Hill-dog!”
The Curiosity rover found that the martians wear pantsuits as religious attire. They worship in temples with glass ceilings, which female martians tap with tiny hammers in order to give them small cracks. And each year, on the anniversary of Hillary's 2008 concession speech, the martians endure a day of fasting and mourning.
NASA also claims the martians very strongly dislike President Obama. “He's like their devil, pretty much,” Bolden explained. “He's pure evil, sent to the universe to destroy it, and the martians have made it illegal to repeat any words that he's said that Secretary Clinton hasn't also said. They're only slightly-less disrespectful, hateful, vile, and belligerent about President Obama than the Republican Party here on Earth. It's that scary.” - Return to Previous Page
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