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Biden aides edit press reports, force media to cover up major gaffes
8/16/2012 3:05 PM Matt Rock
Vice President Joe Biden is known for his oftentimes hilarious, occasionally offensives gaffes, particularly while on the campaign trail. But Politico recently reported that Biden's handlers have been editing reports inside the press pool, trying to cover up his oral flubs as best they could.
As usual, PTP has gone the extra mile that Politico's somewhat-amateur staff couldn't muscle through: we're exclusively bringing you details of some of those gaffes that Team Biden attempted to hide from the public. How? Because we're effing awesome journalists that keep our eyes on the prize with extra kick-ass to spare, that's how!
The first covered-up gaffe that Biden made occurred during a fundraiser event in Virginia, where the VP accidentally told the audience of supporters that he... well, let's just quote him. “You guys are in the food industry? That's pretty cool. You know, back in Scranton, we had this one restaurant, the food was so terrible I decided I'd only ever go in there to take a dump! It's become a ritual of mine, pooping in that restaurant. I do it every time I go back to Scranton. Though I kinda have to flush now, because with all the Secret Service guys following me around, they'd know I'm their mystery shitter that's been leaving deuces in their potty all these years. Ha! Who wants burgers?”
Biden's next gaffe occurred while he was speaking with a group of student supporters on the campus of Virginia Tech, a few hours prior to his moving, emotional speech at the shooting memorial. “You folks are going to college for the right thing here. Technology... that's 21st century shit right there! You're going to be fixing my computers at Best Buy for a long time! Thank Christ none of you are art students, though. What a useless degree! `You want fries with that?' Yeah, sure, put them in the fry box `artistically,' douchebag!”
Arguably his worst gaffe, however, occurred while responding to a question about President Obama from a supporter at a Virginia rally. “You know, Barack is a great guy. But he smokes way too much pot, and you almost never see him without a cigarette in his... crap, that was almost a gaffe! Woops! So yeah, let's talk about Michelle [Obama]. Never eat dinner with that woman. You know that really annoying vegetarian friend you have, that pesters you constantly about how meat is murder or whatever? Yeah... she's that guy!” - Return to Previous Page
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