Pardon The Pundit News Feed
Second sexual letter surfaces from Allen West, and we have it here!
10/2/2012 9:01 PM Matt Rock -
Congressman Allen West (R-FL) found himself in more controversy this week after a Floridian gossip website published what they claim is an authentic letter written by West to his wife while he was serving in Iraq in 2003. The letter demands “non-negotiable” sexual acts, asking her to be his “porn star” and claiming that, quote, “God has authorized you and you only as my partner for intimacy and that is what I want.”
And the news just keeps getting worse for West, because earlier today, Pardon the Pundit gained exclusive access to a second letter written by West to his wife, this one authored in 2006 while he was working in Afghanistan as a civilian defense contractor. We're publishing that sexual message for the first time here. Warning: this content is more graphic than the stuff we usually publish!
Hey girl,
I was just sitting here in Afghanistan, missing you. I miss how you cook, I miss how you clean, I miss how you fold my laundry so my pants aren't all wrinkly... it really gets me going, Angela. I feel like I can't contain my love for you, and it makes me stiff like a freshly-starched shirt just thinking about you doing chores around the house. I just want you to quit that stupid job of yours. Doctor? Whatever. We can play doctor whenever you want baby. I can't wait to get home and let you check my pulse. Right after you cook me dinner, do the dishes, and find my socks for the morning. You'd like that, wouldn't you? Oh yeah.
You're a dirty, dirty girl. No, I mean it. Take a shower before I get home, because I want to make sweet sweet love to you, and what happens in the bedroom is between you, me, and God. And if God is watching, you should probably smell nice and have your hair done all pretty, because it's God we're talking about here. I wish we could get him to hold the camera, baby. I don't mean in bed, I mean on vacation, it's always a hassle finding someone to hold the camera while we pose, and they're always like “wow, really? Sure, I'll take a picture of you, perfect strangers, because it's not like I'm trying to look at the damn scenery myself, selfish assholes!”
I want you to fulfill all of my fantasies, Angela. We're going to do some roleplaying when I get home. And after we're done with Dungeons & Dragons, I'm going to take you to our bedroom, lock the door, put on some polka music, and we're gonna get freaky. And when we're done trying on our Halloween costumes, that's when I'm going to take you, baby. Out to dinner. After which we'll go home, and that's when the REAL party will begin. And when everyone goes home sometime after Pictionary and after you've cleaned up the house after our guests have left, we're going to have some sexual intercourse!
When we finally make love, I want you to pretend you're a single mom working two jobs, and you come to Planned Parenthood for the 97% of their services that aren't abortions, and you try to neuter me and make me subservient. That's when I'll say “uh-uh baby, I'm a man, and you don't get rights like men do.” And then KERPLOW! You love it when I shout that at the end, don't you? Soon baby. You'll hear that again soon.
Allen
PS. - I wasn't kidding about the chores. Get all that done before I get home, woman - Return to Previous Page
|
|
|
|
ARCHIVES
ADVERTISING - COMEDY AT THE ARLINGTON DRAFTHOUSE
Cool Cow Comedy Showcase in The Green Room - ONLY $10 (Featuring Ryan Conner)
Jay Pharoah from Saturday Night Live at the Arlington Drafthouse
Steve Lemme and Kevin Heffernan from Super Troopers and Beerfest
Cinematic Titanic (Creators of Mystery Science Theater) LIVE at the Arlington Drafthouse
Porkchop Volcano - Live Short Form Improv Comedy in The Green Room - FREE ADMISSION
Matt Braunger from Letterman, The Tonight Show and MADtv at the Arlington Drafthouse
Neal Brennan Co-Creator of Chappelle’s Show at the Arlington Drafthouse
Powered By Hypertext Media© PardonThePundit - ABOUT | JOIN | TERMS
Pardon The Pundit is a political satire publication that parodies the news and creates fake news. None of our postings should be regarded as truthful,
and none of our references of an individual seeks to inflict malice or emotional harm. We are just ridiculous.
|