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Petraeus testifies on Benghazi attack, only asked questions about sex scandal
11/16/2012 3:45 PM Matt Rock
Former CIA Director and General David Petraeus testified today in closed-door hearings regarding the September 11th, 2012 attack on the US consulate in Benghazi, Libya. Using an assorted collection of extortion, blackmail, and other trickery, PTP was able to obtain a written transcript of the private hearings... and the questions Petraeus was asked may shock you. Let's listen in!
Committee Chairman Mike Rogers: I call this private hearing to order. General Petraeus, thank you for joining us here today.
Petraeus: My pleasure, Congressman Rogers. I'm hoping that today, we can debunk some of the myths and put some conspiracy theories involving the attack to rest.
Rogers: Our first question comes from Representative Michele Bachmann. Mrs. Bachmann?
Bachmann: Thank you, Mr. Chairman. General Petraeus, Did you or did you not engage in an inappropriate sexual relationship with Jill Kelley, and if you did, would you consider that extramarital affair to be cheating on your wife, or on Paula Broadwell, or on both?
Petraeus: With all due respect Congresswoman Bachmann, I don't see how that has any bearing on the Benghazi attack, nor do I see the relevance of that question in the context of what this hearing has been called to order for. I object to...
Rogers: Overruled. Please answer the question, General Petraeus.
Petraeus: [long pause] No, I did not have an affair with Ms. Kelley. Had I done so, I would have considered it to be cheating on my wife, Holly, and not on my mistress, Mrs. Broadwell.
Rogers: But surely Paula Broadwell would have considered it to be cheating?
Petraeus: [short pause] No comment.
Rogers: Okay... well... our next question comes from Congressman James Langevin.
Langevin: Thank you, Mr. Chairman. General Petraeus, please explain to us precisely when it was that you learned of the sexual affair between Ms. Kelley and General John Allen, and I'd like to add a follow-up if I may, and ask you also to describe for this committee any and all threesomes or foursomes you may have experienced with Mrs. Broadwell, Jill Kelley, and/ or General Allen.
Petraeus: What?! No! No comment, to both of those questions! Look, this hearing is supposed to be about the attack in Libya. I'm not here to answer questions about my extramarital affair, and I'm quite frankly offended by the nature of these proceedings. I will not comment on the affair. Ask me anything you want about Libya! Anything!
Rogers: General Petraeus' protest regarding the nature of these hearings has been duly noted. Congressman Peter King, please ask your question, and please consider General Petraeus' request in the process. [long pause] When the distinguished gentleman from New York is ready...
King: I'm ready, sorry, I had to rephrase my question slightly. General Petraeus, did you and Mrs. Broadwell ever have sexual intercourse in the country of Libya? Did you ever plow Jill Kelley while visiting Libya? And if so, do you consider that to be cheating, or does the postal code rule come into effect, negating the event as cheating due to your geographical proximity to your wife at the time of coitus?
Petraeus: Okay, you know what? Fuck this, and fuck all of you. I'm done here. Benghazi was a terrorist attack. There was no politicization involved and no White House interference, and implementing Rice is laughable at best. Suck my balls you stupid bastards!
Rogers: General Petraeus, are you now inviting members of this committee to engage in inappropriate extramarital sexual misconduct with you? Will Paula Broadwell also be involved? What about General Allen? Will you buy us dinner first? We'd just order a salad...
Petraeus: [slaps self] - Return to Previous Page
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