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New state law will require some Arizonian women to slap themselves
5/1/2012 10:47 AM Matt Rock -
Arizona passed a new law today which will mandate female Arizonians that fit certain criteria to slap themselves in the face each morning, and whenever they engage in conversations in public. The “Oh No She Didn't!” law made it through with an impressive 94% of the vote. State politicians feel confident that the new law will help Arizona win the coveted “Craziest state in America” contest for a third year in a row.
“We tried going in full-monty with an abortion bill this year, but countless other red states did the same,” explained Arizona Governor Jan Brewer. “So this year, we wanted to pass a law that made us look even crazier and more evil than ever before. Between this stuff, and that picture going around of my sticking a finger in the face of the President on an airport tarmac, I think we might just cinch a decisive victory in 2012.”
The new law dictates that some women residing in or visiting Arizona must slap themselves in the face each morning “before 12:00 pm local time,” and prior to engaging in any face-to-face conversations with others. Women that have had abortions, sought any form of welfare, aren't Christian, voted for a Democrat (ever), believe President Obama is a natural-born citizen of the United States, laughed or giggled during the HBO film “Game Change,” have ever watched MSNBC for longer than 30 seconds after realizing it was MSNBC, or didn't stand by their man when they should have, will be expected to fulfill the requirement. If they fail to slap themselves convincingly and with ample force, a police officer, a State judge, or Governor Brewer herself may perform the slap, and the woman might be charged with up to $15,000 in fines.
However, some state officials fear the law may not go far enough. “Oklahoma recently proposed a measure that would ban the use of human fetuses in food,” said State Senate President Steve Pierce. “That's a pretty tough nut to crack. I proposed we allow Arizonians to punch the women, rather than asking them to slap themselves. If we lose this, I'm going to slap myself.” - Return to Previous Page
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