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93-hour standoff between DC Police, cat lady with trained pro-Obama cat army, ends
4/30/2012 4:32 PM Matt Rock -
After nearly four days of a police siege on a Georgetown apartment building, a stand-off between law enforcement agents and 62 year old Edith Wallace, better known to DC area residents as “the cat lady,” has finally ended. Wallace and all of her 37 cats are now in custody. Seven DC SWAT team members were injured during the final raid, six suffering from serious allergies and one getting a minor scratch on his hand.
Wallace was sought by law enforcement as a domestic terrorist after they learned she was raising “a cat army” with the intention of overrunning the Federal government, all in the hopes of starting “the catocalypse,” instilling a new world order where cats rule and humans are their humbled slaves. Wallace's cats were trained to kidnap, feed, lick clean, and otherwise care for President Obama, whom Wallace planned to marry and force into a role as “the President of the human race.”
“Wallace had put up a video on Youtube where she insisted that her cat army was snuggly, cuddly, and ready to claim their new Kingdom,” said DC Metro Police Chief Cathy Lanier, who hasn't been mentioned here on PTP for a while, probably due to parking fines. “The video was eerily reminiscent of those cave-dweller videos Osama Bin Laden used to release. And she had coupled that with several videos of her cats undergoing rigorous training exercises, many involving scratching posts and laser pointers. She even showed a picture of a cat getting bathed in a sink, and not freaking out. They were trained well. Terrifyingly well.”
Despite their rigorous training, however, only one of the cats, Mr. Tinklebottom, who was high on catnip, put up a fight when police showed up. Lanier says each cat will undergo a psychiatric evaluation, though, to make sure the DC area won't be faced with a “Manchurian Cat-idate” scenario down the road. - Return to Previous Page
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