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Mitt Romney, still trying to relate to humans, talks about “wild days” in college at BYU
5/1/2012 3:10 PM Matt Rock -
Presumptive GOP presidential nominee Mitt Romney, the first Mormon cyborg-mannequin candidate in the political history of the United States, has struggled thus far to show humans that he understands what flesh and blood mortal beings experience day by day. To counter his reputation of not being human enough to be President, however, Mitt Romney spoke at a press gathering this morning to show the American people that he's more human than they might think.
“I went through a `wild phase' when I was in college, back in my BYU days,” Romney offered, referencing Brigham Young University, a Mormon college in Utah. “It lasted for nearly a full month. That was before I met Ann (Romney) though. Before the two of us got married.”
“They called it the `swinging sixties,' but I never really understood what that meant,” Romney continued. “Still, lots of people did crazy stuff back then, and I was no exception. I once drank a whole Coca Cola by myself. I ate half of a candy bar around then, too. And I'm ashamed to admit this, but I even tried wearing briefs once, rather than the magic underwear Mormons are supposed to wear. I tried it for about an hour or so, but I couldn't live with the shame Jesus was making me feel, so I had to switch back. But at least I can say I tried it.”
Romney then responded to a question fielded by a PTP reporter about whether or not he ever tried any drugs. “Sure I did. I just told you about my drinking Coke and eating a sugary treat, didn't I? Oh, and I drank coffee once. Someone told me it'd help me stay awake so I could study more, but in all honesty, I blanked out that whole time. Some people claimed I put on a dress and dug a big hole in the ground, and asked people to lower lotion down to me in a bucket, but I don't remember doing that. Those wacky Mormon college kids, always the pranksters!”
Romney assured the media in attendance that his wild days were behind him, though. “The past is the past, and I want Americans to know that I'm the future. But I'm also just as human as any other person out there. I even listened to that devil worship rock and roll band, Peter Paul and Mary, back when I was in college. I'm just like anyone else! Just, you know, with less of a sense of humor and without the same moral compass most people have.” - Return to Previous Page
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