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Gingrich drops out of race after Romney offers Moon Ambassadorship
5/2/2012 3:10 PM Matt Rock -
Former House Speaker Newt Gingrich officially suspended his presidential campaign today, stepping aside and endorsing presumptive GOP nominee Mitt Romney during a press event. Gingrich was more upbeat than most analysts had predicted he'd be, and soon after making his announcement, the world found out why.
“Mitt Romney is a good man. An honest, hard-working man,” said Gingrich. “And when I asked him if I could be the official Ambassador for the Moon, Mitt agreed without thinking twice. That's the sort of decisiveness we need in a leader. A man that knows quality when he sees it and doesn't hesitate to offer someone what's due to them. You can read about it in my new book, `Newt Gingrich: Man, Leader, Ambassador, Astronaut,' available later this month, in paperback!”
Gingrich then detailed the phone conversation he had with Romney, which resulted in the job offer. “I asked Mitt if I could have one night with his wife, but he refused. I then asked him if I could have a million dollars for a trip to Vegas, but he said he didn't know what a `Vegas' was. So, I asked him if I could be Vice President, to which he just laughed, and that led me to ask if I could have an ambassadorship. He was reluctant, but then he gave me the Moon. THE MOON, baby!”
Gingrich sounded exuberant and anxious to get started with his new job. “I can't wait for Romney to win. I've always wanted to visit the moon, it's been my life's dream. Maybe I'll even become President there! It'll be pretty sweet. I'll have a harem of space sluts at my beck and call, an army of child laborers to construct the giant gold statue of me in the Sea of Tranquility, and everyone will read my crappy books, whether they want to or not. This Moon Colony is going to be bitchin'!” - Return to Previous Page
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