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Tuna sandwich beating Obama, Romney in new polls
5/4/2012 11:09 AM Matt Rock -
A tuna melt sandwich prepared in the swing state of Indiana has officially pulled ahead of both President Obama and presumptive GOP nominee Mitt Romney in a general, national poll of likely voters. The results of the three way polling show that the American people still aren't sure who they'd like to vote for, but they do know one thing for certain: a sandwich might be just as capable as a human (Obama), or a cyborg-mannequin (Romney).
Of the 270,000 likely voters that were questioned in the CNN/ ABC/ BBC/ PPP/ PTP/ KFC/ WTF/ LOL/ BBQ poll, 38% said they'd like to see America's first tuna melt President sworn in. Meanwhile, 31% said they'd vote for President Obama, and 27% said they'd vote for Romney. 3% of respondents said “other,” while the remaining 1% emitted bizarre whining and crackling sounds, probably as a response to the constant 24/7 news cycle revolving around the 2012 elections.
The sandwich is performing strongly amongst likely Republican voters, with 52% saying they'd prefer the sandwich over Romney's 43%. The race is a virtual dead-heat with likely Democratic voters, though, with the sandwich holding a very narrow lead of 49.3% over President Obama's 49.1%.
However, the sandwich's polling figures drop down to staggeringly-low 3.3%, when the question changes. “We asked if voters would be more or less likely to vote for the sandwich if that sandwich were eaten, processed by a human body, and then passed naturally, with the waste being shaped to resemble a generic-looking American,” said one pollster. “96.7% of respondents said `we already have two shitheads to pick from, do we really need a third?' I think that's pretty telling!” - Return to Previous Page
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