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Obama campaign website's “life of Julia” sparks controversy with questionable entries
5/4/2012 3:09 PM Matt Rock
President Obama's re-election campaign recently unveiled a new feature on their website, called “Life of Julia” (www.barackobama.com/life-of-julia), which tracks the life of a fictional, statistical composite of your typical American female. But the website was forced to change a number of the entries, after both critics and supporters of the President alike were outraged by some of the original quotes that were published. Lucky for you, however, PTP has obtained text from the original.
13 Years Old: Julia is inspired to start her own web design company someday when, while using her dad's computer for homework, she stumbles across all of the porn in his Internet Explorer history. She spots a number of ways the websites could be improved upon, and starts to invent a new porn image thumbnail system. Mitt Romney, though, is a Mormon. He'd probably outlaw porn, leaving Julia without that awkward experience that gives her both inspiration and hilarious stories to tell her friends in college.
16 Years Old: A night of revelry and debauchery leaves Julia with an unwanted teen pregnancy. Under President Obama, Planned Parenthood still exists, offering her health care, preventative care, and a wider array of options, including adoption and, yes, abortion. Mitt Romney wants to cut Planned Parenthood, though. He thinks Julia is a godless skank.
19 Years Old: Julia heads to Daytona Beach with her college friends for Spring Break. While there, she flashes her boobs, and ends up in a “Girls Gone Wild” video, which her father finds at the worst possible moment that a guy might discover something like that. Julia's outraged dad cuts her off financially, but luckily for her, Julia lands herself a temporary job as a mail sorter at a local post office. But Mitt Romney promotes a smaller government, with fewer government jobs. Because Lord knows UPS and FedEx have never lost your packages from Amazon, right?
142 Years Old: Julia, who has lived in the colonial town of “Gingrich” on the Moon for the past sixty years, has just gotten her third life extension treatments, which will allow her to live to the age of 250 or beyond, all thanks to President Obama's push for stem cell research. Mitt Romney, however, thinks stem cell research shouldn't be funded at the Federal level. He wants Julia to die much younger than that, so she isn't cashing in on Social Security checks for too long. Mitt Romney... he hates your grandparents! - Return to Previous Page
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