Pardon The Pundit News Feed
Obama campaign website's “life of Julia” sparks controversy with questionable entries
5/4/2012 3:09 PM Matt Rock -
President Obama's re-election campaign recently unveiled a new feature on their website, called “Life of Julia” (www.barackobama.com/life-of-julia), which tracks the life of a fictional, statistical composite of your typical American female. But the website was forced to change a number of the entries, after both critics and supporters of the President alike were outraged by some of the original quotes that were published. Lucky for you, however, PTP has obtained text from the original.
13 Years Old: Julia is inspired to start her own web design company someday when, while using her dad's computer for homework, she stumbles across all of the porn in his Internet Explorer history. She spots a number of ways the websites could be improved upon, and starts to invent a new porn image thumbnail system. Mitt Romney, though, is a Mormon. He'd probably outlaw porn, leaving Julia without that awkward experience that gives her both inspiration and hilarious stories to tell her friends in college.
16 Years Old: A night of revelry and debauchery leaves Julia with an unwanted teen pregnancy. Under President Obama, Planned Parenthood still exists, offering her health care, preventative care, and a wider array of options, including adoption and, yes, abortion. Mitt Romney wants to cut Planned Parenthood, though. He thinks Julia is a godless skank.
19 Years Old: Julia heads to Daytona Beach with her college friends for Spring Break. While there, she flashes her boobs, and ends up in a “Girls Gone Wild” video, which her father finds at the worst possible moment that a guy might discover something like that. Julia's outraged dad cuts her off financially, but luckily for her, Julia lands herself a temporary job as a mail sorter at a local post office. But Mitt Romney promotes a smaller government, with fewer government jobs. Because Lord knows UPS and FedEx have never lost your packages from Amazon, right?
142 Years Old: Julia, who has lived in the colonial town of “Gingrich” on the Moon for the past sixty years, has just gotten her third life extension treatments, which will allow her to live to the age of 250 or beyond, all thanks to President Obama's push for stem cell research. Mitt Romney, however, thinks stem cell research shouldn't be funded at the Federal level. He wants Julia to die much younger than that, so she isn't cashing in on Social Security checks for too long. Mitt Romney... he hates your grandparents! - Return to Previous Page
|
|
|
|
ARCHIVES
ADVERTISING - COMEDY AT THE ARLINGTON DRAFTHOUSE
Cool Cow Comedy Showcase in The Green Room - ONLY $10 (Featuring Ryan Conner)
Jay Pharoah from Saturday Night Live at the Arlington Drafthouse
Steve Lemme and Kevin Heffernan from Super Troopers and Beerfest
Cinematic Titanic (Creators of Mystery Science Theater) LIVE at the Arlington Drafthouse
Porkchop Volcano - Live Short Form Improv Comedy in The Green Room - FREE ADMISSION
Matt Braunger from Letterman, The Tonight Show and MADtv at the Arlington Drafthouse
Neal Brennan Co-Creator of Chappelle’s Show at the Arlington Drafthouse
Powered By Hypertext Media© PardonThePundit - ABOUT | JOIN | TERMS
Pardon The Pundit is a political satire publication that parodies the news and creates fake news. None of our postings should be regarded as truthful,
and none of our references of an individual seeks to inflict malice or emotional harm. We are just ridiculous.
|