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Romney taps “Julia” for VP
5/6/2012 10:50 AM Floyd Harden -
Mitt Romney made the only Presidential-level decision of his campaign yesterday when he announced that he has chosen the Obama campaign’s Julia as his vice-presidential running mate. At press time it appeared that Romney may have been unaware that Julia is a fictional character created to highlight the differences between Obama’s policies and those of Republicans and the effects those policies would have on the average American woman over the course of her lifetime.
Romney appeared pleased with himself when he made the announcement to supporters at a campaign stop in Indiana, but when the crowd reacted with a collective groan Romney was quick to point out the reasoning behind his decision. “Look, I want to run a big tent campaign. I want to lead a Republican Party that welcomes everybody – except gays and atheists and poor people and those making under $4 million a year and people who wear hats and college professors and body surfers and peanut butter and jelly on a toasted bagel and Newt Gingrich and gays. I personally vetted Julia by reading a newspaper headline about her and I can assure you that she represents all the things Republican women aspire to: she is white and attractive and she doesn’t say much. Oh and by the way, naming Julia as my running mate means that I have effectively removed her from Obama’s arsenal. Now, instead of helping make the case that Republicans are waging a war on women, Julia will be at my side behind me, keeping her mouth shut and nodding her support when I say something stupid.”
After a reporter pointed out that Julia doesn’t exist in the real world, Romney adroitly sidestepped the issue. “Uh, I knew that. So what? Do you mean to tell me fictional characters can’t run for higher office? Have you met Mitt Romney? You think he’s real?!” - Return to Previous Page
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