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Ron Paul loses supporters after “super moon” doesn't beam them into space
5/6/2012 8:10 PM Matt Rock -
GOP presidential candidate Ron Paul, who has mathematically lost the 2012 primary but continues to run for reasons unbeknownst to anyone, lost nearly 80% of his supporters in the past 24 hours, after his prediction that last night's “super moon” would send out beams of light that would take into space everyone that donated money to his presidential campaign since 2008 never materialized.
“I had my black Nike tennis shoes on, I was wearing my purple Ron Paul jumpsuit, and my whole family went to sleep in bunk beds. I was so pissed when I woke up on Earth,” said avid Ron Paul supporter David Bell. “We donated around $2000 to the Ron Paul campaign. For all that money, all I got was the opportunity to tell my kids that we wouldn't be traveling into space to stay on the Moon for a week while we wait for a huge asteroid to take us to the promised land. It was a total rip off.”
“It really was a crackpot theory gone awry,” explained famed scientist Dr. Michio Kaku. “Everyone knows that only 3 to 9 people are beamed into space by super moons each year. The current record of 28 people was set back in 1976, beating the 1743 record of 21 people. So to claim that tens of thousands, or even hundreds of thousands of people might get beamed into space by a super moon is absolutely preposterous.”
NASA claims that only four people were beamed up to the moon last night. “We aren't really sure what happens to them when they get there,” said NASA Administrator Charles Bolden. “They spend approximately two to three weeks in space, and when they return, they're usually pretty crazy... a lot like Ron Paul, actually, who was beamed up in 1981.”
NASA says that only one American, Alice Kramden of Brooklyn, New York, was sent to the moon this year. Kramden, a Democrat, was most likely not a Ron Paul supporter, though it is believed that her husband, Ralph, is “extremely conservative, and abusive toward women,” according to neighbors and domestic disturbance police reports. - Return to Previous Page
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