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Vladimir Putin endorses himself in the US 2012 presidential elections
5/7/2012 3:18 PM Matt Rock -
Today in Russia, Vladimir Putin took the oath of office that he wrote, in a ceremony that he planned, with catering provided by him, and with music performed by famed Russian rock band “Vladimir Putin and the band that will play behind him if they don't want to pay an untimely visit to the Gulag for the rest of their natural lives, and probably beyond,” better known in Russia as “Putin and the BTWPBHITDWTPAUVTTGFTROTNLAPB.”
With opposition leaders dragged off to old KGB torture bunkers, and speaking to a room of people that recite his name before going to bed each night, Putin made an official endorsement today for his favorite candidate in the presidential election happening here in the United States.
“I believe there is only one candidate in the elections over in America that deserves my endorsement,” explained Putin. “One man is liberal enough for the left, conservative enough for the right, and will rule over North America with an iron fist and a heart of gold. A man with the courage and conviction to invade Canada and Mexico to spread the fatherland. That is right. Americans should vote for Vladimir Putin in November. Because hey, it's only a matter of time before I rule the Earth anyway, right? Get on board now, and save your cities from getting bombed later!”
“Obama? Romney? These are not men. These are not leaders. Have you ever seen me with my shirt off? It should be no wonder how I won this election and only had to kill nine people that briefly considered being challengers. America needs less reality television, and a little more standing in bread lines waiting for food that may never come. I can be that leader for you, America!” - Return to Previous Page
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