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GOP defends house budget, says “F--- the Poor” bill title isn't what it sounds like
5/7/2012 8:28 PM Matt Rock -
House Republicans are defending new legislation that would, if passed, cut spending over the next decade by over $300 billion, all by gutting financial industry regulations, food stamps, government- issued and assisted health care, grants, and other such programs.
The bill, simply titled “Fuck the Poor,” has come under fire by the White House, as well as Democrats in the House and Senate, who allege the bill avoids small tax hikes on the wealthy by making drastic, draconian cuts to programs that actually benefit millions of Americans. But Republicans say the name of the bill is being dragged out of context by those on the left that only hope to hinder America's economic recovery.
“The title of the bill doesn't mean `fuck them,' as in, `we don't care about them,'” explained House Speaker John Boehner, crying and kicking his feet as he defended the legislation. “It means `yeah baby, pass the bath salts and light those candles, it's time for the poor to get it on!' We think the poor should be filming themselves having sex, and selling their sex tapes to porn websites, because they'd make enough income from that to no longer need food stamps or Medicaid. It's pulling yourself up by your bootstraps, then dropping down, the pulling yourself up again, and so on, so forth.”
Boehner was quick to defend the GOP against allegations that they're screwing over the poor. “I never really understood that saying. How do you `screw over' someone? Bunk beds? Go into the attic or onto the roof? I, for one, would never condone those sorts of dangerous sex acts. We want the poor to have safe sex. Not using condoms or birth control pills, mind you, but nothing more dangerous than exposing themselves to unwanted pregnancies or STDs.”
Democrats are expected to reveal their own ideal legislation in the near future, with a bill tentatively titled “The Rich Can Suck It,” which will raise taxes on the wealthy while expanding on programs that benefit the poor. It is widely believed that the two parties will reach a consensus, with a fair blend of tax hikes and budget cuts, sometime shortly after a fat woman sings, pigs sprout wings and fly, and hell endures a violent snow and ice storm, all simultaneously. - Return to Previous Page
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