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Ted Nugent claims he “doesn't want to rape your puppy,” only wants to cuddle
5/8/2012 9:00 AM Matt Rock -
“Rock musician” Ted Nugent, who was recently investigated by the Secret Service for an alleged threat against President Obama, has been digging himself into trouble all weekend, first with a profanity-infused interview with CBS News, and then with a radio interview where he insisted that the “left media” and DNC Chairwoman Debbie Wasserman Schultz want people to think that he “wants to rape your puppy.” Nugent defended these absurd claims to PTP, his toe still missing from another recent outburst.
“Look, I don't want to rape your puppy. The left-wing media wants you to think that when I said I didn't want to, that I actually meant I really want to, but nope... don't want to,” Nugent explained, while brushing his facial hair using a dog's chew toy. “It's absurd for the radical liberal machine to say otherwise.”
“I'd like to take your puppy out to a fancy dinner, see a movie, then take your puppy back to my place, give her a back rub with scented oils, maybe put on some romantic industrial hardcore metal-techno-screamo music, and then get down to some mutually-consensual doggy-style love-makin' with plenty of cuddlin' and spoonin' afterwards. That ain't rape, that's makin' love!”
Nugent then kicked over his chair, dropped his pants, pulled a rubber chicken out of god-knows-where, and flung it into the hallway, howling while pulling his pants back up. “I ain't crazy, I never threatened the President, and I do NOT want to rape your puppy. What kinda dog you got, anyway? A Jack Russell Terrier? Man, I'd break that little puppy in half! But not by raping her, no sir, no how!” - Return to Previous Page
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