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Romney goes on credit-taking spree after claiming he saved the auto industry
5/8/2012 3:10 PM Matt Rock -
Presumptive GOP nominee Mitt Romney, who said that he'll “take a lot of credit” for the US auto industry's comeback despite having demanded we let them fail in 2008, hasn't seemingly recognized yet that his quote was a pretty epic gaffe. This morning, Romney doubled-down on his taking-credit-spree by insisting that he played a key role in a number of other successes that most people would credit to the Obama administration... if not other presidents.
“Obama thinks he can take credit for killing Bin Laden, but that was me. I did that,” Romney claimed while speaking with reporters. “I gave the go-order, to myself, and flew a stealth Blackhawk to Bin Laden's compound, and plugged him in the forehead with a bullet from my M4 assault rifle, carrying his corpse back to the USS Carl Vinson, on foot, where I dumped him into the sea.”
One reporter asked how Romney was affiliated with the death of Osama Bin Laden. “You know, it's like, when I was dealing with those Somali pirates those two times, and I had to get all ninja-assassin up in their grill, or when I flew to North Korea to negotiate the release of those journalists. The leftist media will tell you that Obama gets credit for the pirates, and Bill Clinton, during Obama's one and only term, gets credit for the hostages, but screw that noise, it was me!”
A reporter from CNN asked Romney if he was feeling well. “I feel great, thanks for asking! I haven't felt this good since I ended Communism between 1960-ish and the 1980's. You know, I called Gorbachev myself, on one of those huge brick phones with the saddle back they had back in the eighties. I said to him, `Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall!' and he totally did it! Tell me that isn't awesome!”
Reporters asked him a salvo of new questions, but Romney explained it was time for him to go. “I'm sorry friends, but there's a person with a nine-figure salary in trouble someplace. I get a signal whenever that happens, in my brain. I can't remember when I had it installed. I think it was around the time I freed the slaves, or maybe when I defeated Hitler and won World War II for us. But eh, it was probably around the time I invented the world's first mass-produced flying car, you know, in 2022. Yeah, you're welcome, Detroit!” - Return to Previous Page
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