Pardon The Pundit Home
news RSS Feed Twitter
HomeNewsNotesAboutJoin UsYouTube VideosFacebookDrafthouse
Pardon The Pundit News Feed
Didn't see Rick Santorum's email endorsement of Mitt Romney? PTP has it here!
Facebook Facebook Facebook Facebook Facebook Facebook
5/9/2012 10:33 AM Matt Rock - Former GOP candidate Rick Santorum officially endorsed presumptive GOP nominee Mitt Romney in an email message to his campaign's supporters monday night. But unless you've been getting emails from Santorum this whole time, you couldn't have read it... until now. Exclusive to PTP readers, here is the full message from Rick Santorum's email that endorsed Mitt Romney:

Dear Catholics, and not-so-dear non-Catholic heathens,

I'm Rick Santorum. You probably remember me from the 2012 Presidential campaign, when I was working toward bringing the voice of God into the White House, and the fist of God into the lives of every American, whether they wanted it or not. I'm writing to you today to ask that you go out and vote for Mitt Romney, not because he's a good man, or an honest man, or a man of God (he believes in that wacky Mormon space Jesus), but because, well, he's the last man standing.

I would have liked to see anyone else – literally, “anyone” else – win the GOP nomination. Mitt Romney really is a walking, talking caricature of what people think of when they think of Republicans; a gaffe-prone, out-of-touch millionaire that would euthanize the poor if given the opportunity. But Mitt Romney is what we've been left with, and believe me, we really did, as a party, try to nominate “every other person” in the GOP to run against Obama.

Romney wasn't the wisest candidate in this race. He wasn't the humblest, or the most sincere, or the most passionate. But what Mitt Romney lacked in those characteristics that we consider human, he makes up for in being the tallest candidate in the primaries. And also, he's the richest, ahead of the rest of us by gobs and gobs of money. He's so rich, he hires people to count his money, and even they couldn't tell you exactly how much he has. He really is a robo-dork, though. And this is coming from a guy whose only ever had sex to produce babies, and wears a sweater vest over his pajamas!

I'd love to see someone else win our party's nomination. Anyone else. But Mitt Romney is what we've been left with, so Mitt Romney is what I need to endorse. Will he be better as your President than Obama has been? I honestly doubt it. The only reason I haven't endorsed Obama, to be perfectly honest, is because I'm still in that process of settling down from the primaries, and I don't want a media circus pestering me day in, day out. So instead, I'm endorsing Mitt Romney. He isn't the next best thing, and I would never endorse him otherwise, but, well, tacos.

Sincerely,

Rick Santorum
 - Return to Previous Page
PARDON THE PUNDIT TOURING COMPANY LIVE

Showcase - 6 Cast Members (Stand-Up, Improv, Sketch) 75 mins
Feb 24th & 25th 7:30PM/9:45PM at Harman Center for the Arts Downtown DC - $20

Comedy Caucus - 3 Cast Members (Stand-Up) 50 mins
Monday Feb 13th 8PM at Corner Store Arts Capitol Hill - $10


ADVERTISING - COMEDY AT THE ARLINGTON DRAFTHOUSE

Cool Cow Comedy Showcase in The Green Room - ONLY $10 (Featuring Ryan Conner)
Cool Cow Comedy Showcase in The Green Room - ONLY $10 (Featuring Ryan Conner)

Jay Pharoah from Saturday Night Live at the Arlington Drafthouse
Jay Pharoah from Saturday Night Live at the Arlington Drafthouse

Steve Lemme and Kevin Heffernan from Super Troopers and Beerfest
Steve Lemme and Kevin Heffernan from Super Troopers and Beerfest

Cinematic Titanic (Creators of Mystery Science Theater) LIVE at the Arlington Drafthouse
Cinematic Titanic (Creators of Mystery Science Theater) LIVE at the Arlington Drafthouse

Porkchop Volcano - Live Short Form Improv Comedy in The Green Room - FREE ADMISSION
Porkchop Volcano - Live Short Form Improv Comedy in The Green Room - FREE ADMISSION

Matt Braunger from Letterman, The Tonight Show and MADtv at the Arlington Drafthouse
Matt Braunger from Letterman, The Tonight Show and MADtv at the Arlington Drafthouse

Neal Brennan Co-Creator of Chappelle’s Show at the Arlington Drafthouse
Neal Brennan Co-Creator of Chappelle’s Show at the Arlington Drafthouse




Powered By Hypertext Media
© PardonThePundit - ABOUT | JOIN | TERMS

Pardon The Pundit is a political satire publication that parodies the news and creates fake news. None of our postings should be regarded as truthful, and none of our references of an individual seeks to inflict malice or emotional harm. We are just ridiculous.