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Former classmates, employees of Mitt Romney speak out about his bullying
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5/10/2012 3:30 PM Matt Rock - Shortly after the Washington Post recently published a story that presumptive GOP presidential nominee Mitt Romney bullied a closeted homosexual student when they were in prep school, Romney responded on a conservative radio show, laughing as he recalled pinning the student down and shaving his long hair. But while Mitt might be humored, some of his fellow students, as well as former and current employees and campaign staffers, are reporting to PTP that his bullying days are still alive and well.

“When Mitt was younger, he really didn't like humans much,” explained George Fillmore, who graduated from prep school with Romney. “At first, no one really took offense to it. It was hard for Romney, being an out-of-touch millionaire mannequin with a Mormon cyborg brain, trying to fit in at a rich, white, human prep school. So he took that out on everyone, using his superhuman robot strength to cram people twice his size into lockers, replacing girls' lipstick with the turtle wax he used on his wooden face, and constantly pointing out to everyone that we were poor compared to his family. It wasn't pleasant knowing him back then.”

Romney's bullying grew even worse in college at Brigham Young, according to classmate Gregory Quinn. “Have you ever gotten a mega-wedgie while wearing magic underwear? That pretty much sums up what I remember of Mitt Romney. Lots of wedgies, pantsings, and writing things on people's foreheads while they were sleeping. He once gave soda pop to a group of students that thought they were about to drink juice, making them all sinners in the eyes of the lord, too. The saddest part is, girls flocked to him, and by that, I mean they all wanted to be his sister wives so he could raise an army of 43 children with 9 women he was married to at the same time.”

And according to several anonymous current campaign staffers, Romney's shenanigans are still alive and well today, as one senior advisor described to us. “Right before that gay Romney spokesman was outed and fired, Romney called him a nerd, a loser, and a f*g, and then teabagged him while he was sleeping, as a prank, saying it wasn't gay if it was his junk in someone else's face. The worst though is when he drinks coffee. On those days... I can't tell you how painful it is when a cyborg-mannequin kicks you in the nads and yells `poor people suck!' in your face. I'm quitting tomorrow. I can't take this anymore!”
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Pardon The Pundit is a political satire publication that parodies the news and creates fake news. None of our postings should be regarded as truthful, and none of our references of an individual seeks to inflict malice or emotional harm. We are just ridiculous.