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Rick Santorum suing Dan Savage, demands Mitt Romney also get a funny website
5/11/2012 8:07 PM Matt Rock -
Former GOP primary contender Rick Santorum is filing a lawsuit against famed gay rights advocate Dan Savage over the existence of the website “spreadingsantorum.com,” which presents an offensive, but hilarious, definition of “Santorum” in response to Santorum's vocal opposition to gay rights.
“Dan Savage was quick to whip up a website about me, but all I did was say nasty things. Mitt Romney actually DID nasty things,” explained Santorum. “So I'm suing him. I demand that Mr. Savage create an equally-offensive website about Mitt Romney. It has to define Mitt Romney somehow, and not as a mannequin with a Mormon-cyborg brain, which we know to be medical fact, but, you know, more like how `Santorum' is defined.”
“I said some pretty terrible things about gays, but I never pinned a gay dude down and shaved his head. That was a pretty scummy thing for Mitt to do, and that's coming from Rick Santorum! It isn't surprising, though. I mean, Mitt Romney bullied people in school, strapped dogs to the roof of his car... I'll bet you nine sweater vests to one that he lit ants on fire as a kid. He obviously has a `dark passenger,' sort of like Dexter Morgan, but more for fun than to right the wrongs of others.”
The lawsuit demands that the new website be posted no later than October 30th of 2012, so that it can impact the election, but not on Halloween day, because Santorum hopes to celebrate the holiday the way he always does, giving out apples (which every kid hopes to find in their Halloween pillowcase) and telling neighborhood kids about Jesus and how they're all wicked, godless, pagan heathens for dressing up like Batman or Dora the Explorer, rather than going out as Moses or any of the two or three females in the Bible that weren't stoned to death. - Return to Previous Page
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