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JPMorgan Chase CIO gets $4 billion retirement package after $3 billion screw-up
5/14/2012 8:33 PM Matt Rock -
JPMorgan Chase & Co's Chief Investment Officer, Ina Drew, retired from the company today after 30 years of service, in the wake of massive $3 billion trading losses. Drew said she felt terrible about the risky trading she led the company into, and felt her early retirement was the only reasonable solution to the crisis that the financial giant faces.
“I wasn't as cautious as I should have been. I don't buy my own milk or drive my own car, so I didn't realize the recession was still happening for regular people,” said Drew. “This was my mistake. I'm going to retire from the financial industry altogether, and hopefully, JPMorgan Chase can get back on track after my departure, replacing me with someone that only makes $2 billion screw-ups.”
Drew will get a $4 billion retirement package from JPMorgan Chase, with $2 billion paid into her bank accounts, $1 billion spread out in a safe, no-risk investment portfolio, and the last $1 billion coming by way of assets, including a $640,000 custom-built Scuderia Ferrari 458 Italia, a $40 million “slumming it” estate on Long Island, and a small collection of yachts and Lear jets, which everyone knows aren't even remotely as swanky and kick-ass as a Gulfstream.
“I don't really know how a person can live on a mere $4 billion for the rest of their lives,” Drew stated. “My job title called on me to spend money wisely, not, you know, `not' spend money wisely. I might need to pay a visit to the YWCA and talk to the women staying there, and see how they get by with only a few billion dollars. I have much to learn!” - Return to Previous Page
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