Pardon The Pundit News Feed
Wisconsin Governor explains why he keeps reducing his work load
5/15/2012 9:10 AM Matt Rock -
The Wisconsin Center for Investigative Journalism recently revealed to America that the State's Governor, Scott Walker, has been doing less actual state-related work since the recall efforts against him began shaping up after he muscled through his famous union-stripping measures in early 2011. Always hoping to reveal both sides of every story, PTP contacted Governor Walker to find out why he's been logging fewer work hours since the controversy began.
“Hi Matt, thanks for calling me. You aren't going to impersonate the Koch Brothers like those radio people did, are you? Fool me once... anyway, let's get down to it,” Walker said as soon as he picked up the phone. “Yes, it's true, I've been working less since the recall stuff started happening, and yes, compared to other Governors, I've pretty much always done less work, more or less, than you'd expect of me. But there are perfectly logical, reasonable explanations for that!”
“You see, when I took office, I only had one goal in mind... kill public unions. I didn't really have any other plans for my gubernatorial run beyond that. I wanted to kill off unions, and be done with them. It all started for me back in 2007, when the Writers Guild of America went on strike, and I couldn't watch any of my favorite shows. And `Gilmore Girls' was canceled in 2007, too, and even though it wasn't related, I'm betting unions were involved in that somehow as well. So I said `no, this won't stand. I'll become Governor and give those unions what they had coming.' And once I did that, well, there wasn't much for me to do.”
“You need to also understand that you really start phoning it in when you realize you're probably about to lose your job. Our state has a population of five million, and more than one million signed the petition to see me ousted. That means a fifth of the population of the State of Wisconsin wants me out of a job. You can't fight back against those odds. So, there's been a lot of video games – `Battlefield 3' for the win! – and eating nachos. I'm raising campaign money, of course, but a lot of that is going into online poker and my collection of vintage `Scrabble' boards.”
“So am I lazy? Not really. I wanted to accomplish something, and I did that, even if the next person to take my office will just reverse what I did. And after I get out of this crummy Governor's Mansion, I'll finally be able to land a sweet job as a Fox News pundit! That's all I really have to say, though. If you'll excuse me, there are some noobs on the Metro map in BF3 that need to eat my 'nade spamming!” - Return to Previous Page
|
|
|
|
ARCHIVES
ADVERTISING - COMEDY AT THE ARLINGTON DRAFTHOUSE
Hal Sparks Live at the Drafthouse
Cool Cow Comedy Showcase in The Green Room - ONLY $10 (Featuring Ryan Conner)
Jay Pharoah from Saturday Night Live at the Arlington Drafthouse
Steve Lemme and Kevin Heffernan from Super Troopers and Beerfest
Cinematic Titanic (Creators of Mystery Science Theater) LIVE at the Arlington Drafthouse
Porkchop Volcano - Live Short Form Improv Comedy in The Green Room - FREE ADMISSION
Matt Braunger from Letterman, The Tonight Show and MADtv at the Arlington Drafthouse
Neal Brennan Co-Creator of Chappelle’s Show at the Arlington Drafthouse
Powered By Hypertext Media© PardonThePundit - ABOUT | JOIN | TERMS
Pardon The Pundit is a political satire publication that parodies the news and creates fake news. None of our postings should be regarded as truthful,
and none of our references of an individual seeks to inflict malice or emotional harm. We are just ridiculous.
|