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Greek Gods get fed up, declare themselves heads of government
5/16/2012 10:30 AM Matt Rock
After Greece again failed to form a new government in the wake of debating a Euro bailout package that will leave millions of Greeks with strongly-opposed slashed wages and deep, painful spending cuts, the ancient Greek Gods returned to Earth, declaring themselves heads of a new government that will get the nation back on track.
Like that feeling you get in your stomach after eating one too many gyros, The Earth trembled, the seas burst onto the shores, and quite a few Greeks found themselves rushing off to the nearest bathroom as several ancient Gods, many of whom were believed to be mythological, made their first appearances in Greece in thousands of years.
“That's it! We're done with this shit!” announced the mighty Zeus, King of the Gods and ruler of all mankind, before America came into existence anyway and stole his title. “This country friggin' invented democracy, and you jerks can't put a government together? You're like two little kids fighting over who gets to be the captains of the playground soccer teams, while the other kids sit around wondering how you remember to breath when you're asleep! You idiots obviously aren't getting this done, so behold the mighty Olympians! My dad literally ate all of my brothers and sisters, and I had to rip into his guts to free them. So yeah... I get shit done! Word!”
Zeus then described the new government and each of the Gods that would take up key seats. Zeus himself would be Head of State, with the title “President for Life.” Ares, god of War, would be Defense Minister. Demeter, goddess of the Harvest, would be Secretary of Agriculture. And Dionysus, god of wine, would take up the position of DMV Overseer, with Zeus pointing out that the more wine he drinks, the less he'll have to think about how terrible many Europeans drive.
“It's about time we stepped up and took control of Greece again. Stupid Romans ruined everything,” said Athena, goddess of the arts and of wisdom. “It was getting pretty boring sitting around in Mount Olympus. Do you know how many times I've seen the DVD of `Happy Gilmore?' I don't think your feeble human minds could even process it. I just hope Jesus doesn't decide to do his little `rapture' this week. That dude is a total attention whore!” - Return to Previous Page
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