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Palin to marry Limbaugh
5/16/2012 3:10 PM Floyd Harden -
Rush Limbaugh and Sarah Palin shocked the conservative establishment yesterday when they announced plans to marry. At a news conference held outside the Missouri Statehouse where Limbaugh had just been secretly enshrined into the Hall of Famous Missourians Nobody Wants to be Publicly Associated With, the happy couple demonstrated their mutual affection by strangling a liberal and “freedom kissing" each other on the mouth.
Palin insisted that her current husband, Todd, was supportive of her decision. “Ya know, Todd and I talked it over with each other and we both agreed this is best for everyone, me also. Also and too, when Todd realized I need to marry someone who stands up for the average person who is American, he stopped crying and told me from the heart that I deserve what I’ve got coming to me. Then he went to K-Mart and bought six rifles. Shopping for firearms always calms Todd down when I do stuff like run for Vice-President or quit being Governor of whatever or marry Rush Limbaugh so I’m pretty sure he’s gonna be okay.”
Limbaugh, who has taken a stand against marriage between either gays or people who are willing to commit to a long term relationship, told reporters “As soon as I divorce my third or fourth wife I will be proud to make Sarah Palin my fourth or fifth wife. Sarah is exactly the kind of woman I’m attracted to. She embodies conservative principles, she speaks the truth whether it’s true or not, and she’s got a great rack. I expect to be married to Sarah until death do us part – or until she has an opinion. In the meantime, I’m getting my Viagra prescription re-filled and continuing my campaign to get `slutstitute' into Webster’s Dictionary.”
Palin’s daughter Bristol took to Twitter to applaud her mother’s decision. “Mom’s always been a free spirit so it doesn’t surprise me she would do something super outrageous like this. #sogrossrufkngkdngme?!” - Return to Previous Page
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