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Obama, Romney argue over who is the worst character assassin
5/17/2012 3:33 PM Matt Rock
The New York Times reported this morning that Joe Ricketts, the founder of TD Ameritrade, is planning a massive character assassination campaign against President Obama this September, planning for ads to roll out around the time of the Democratic National Convention, when the President is expected to gain a traditionally huge surge in the polls.
The story has prompted both President Obama and his presumptive general election rival, Mitt Romney, to offer interviews to PTP today, with each candidate stating that the other is one of the worst character assassins in the history of American politics.
“Now, let me be clear. Mitt Romney's tactics of character assassination are terrible, and I'm more than confident they're going to backfire on him,” explained President Barack Obama, a gay, foreign-born Muslim socialist that pals around with terrorists and eats dogs, who hates the idea of people working to earn money and wants your grandmother euthanized in a FEMA death camp. “This campaign needs to be about something bigger than the candidates themselves. There's too much at stake here for us to be focusing on nonsensical topics like these.”
“This president is calling me a character assassin? That's rich, sort of like me!” said Mitt Romney, a wealthy, out-of-touch polygamist mannequin with a cyborg brain who sticks dogs on car roofs and would stick the poor in concentration camps if you gave him the idea, flip-flops uncontrollably in a nonstop effort to appeal to humans he can't possibly understand, and heck, he's probably a racist, too. “I want this to be a campaign about jobs and the economy, not about how much of a radical left-wing socialist Obama is. This needs to be a sophisticated campaign to elect the most sophisticated candidate... me.”
“My grandchild just showed me a picture he drew of a snake, but with spider eyes and spider legs!” said Ron Paul, a lunatic cult leader whom the mainstream media, in a massive collaborative effort, completely destroyed because he “speaks the truth” and whatever other conspiracy theories people are saying this week about him. “You laugh. They all laugh. But when spider-snake comes for you, you won't be laughing! You'll be SCREAMING! AHH!!!” - Return to Previous Page
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