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Young DC-area boy missing after allegedly flirting with Malia Obama
5/22/2012 3:31 PM Matt Rock
Authorities in Washington DC are searching at this hour for young Tyler Palmer, age 14, who mysteriously vanished sometime today. Palmer, a classmate of President Obama's oldest daughter, Malia, was reportedly last seen having a discussion with the First Daughter at school.
“Tyler was chatting up Malia in the hallway. She was blushing... you could tell what they were talking about,” said Teresa Ingram, a teacher at the school where Palmer was last seen. “He walked away from her with a spring in his step, and turned around a corner. I heard a commotion, but when I got over there, everything looked pretty normal. There were a few guys from SEAL Team Six, rolling something large up in a carpet... nothing out of the ordinary, really, not when you have the President's daughter attending your school. I sure hope he's okay somewhere!”
However, fellow classmate Amber Andrews, 13, says she saw something suspicious... something she probably shouldn't have seen. “You're going to make me anonymous, right?” asked Andrews... uh... woops! Oh well, my backspace key is sticking, so too late. You should be fine though! Well, to protect her identity, we won't use her quote, where she described Palmer's kidnappers in detail and said she'd tell anyone willing to listen, including the Police. Your secret is safe with us, Amber!
President Obama seemed moved and heartbroken by the news. “It's a sad day for America when a boy can be kidnapped in broad daylight from a school attended by the President's daughter. I really hope someone finds him soon, though I wouldn't bet on it. He's definitely not sitting in Gitmo right now, where he'll remain until Malia's 35th birthday, having been gagged and chloroformed and waterboarded until he confessed to the 1980 assassination of John Lennon, 18 years before he was born. Wherever he is... Tyler, I hope you learn from this. Uh, you know, to be, `safer' and stuff.” - Return to Previous Page
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