Pardon The Pundit News Feed
Americans have new Country to be unable to locate on map
7/7/2011 3:04 PM Steve Balik
(WASHINGTON, DC) In just a few days, the nation of South Sudan will break from Sudan, creating an entirely new political state that is sure to dumbfound the majority of Americans. A survey conducted last week by the Pew Center confirms this, as 100% of US citizens have absolutely no idea what a “South Sudan” is, and could not locate it, current Sudan, nor even the equator on a map of the world.
“There’s not a shot in hell that we’re gonna be able to find this country,” remarked study director and Pew Center Fellow Dr. L. Peterson Haskins. “It’s near Rhodesia, right? Isn’t that a place?”
“I just found out last week that Czechoslovakia doesn’t exist anymore, and now you’re telling me I have a whole new country to learn?” remarked American Mike Sanders, who still has no idea that Japan isn’t a part of China.
Secretary of State Hillary Clinton echoed this sentiment as well, though she went on to predict that South Sudan will probably appear in Africa, although it sounds “a little Middle Easternish” and that it could be there as well. Despite her indecisiveness, Secretary Clinton was quick to point out that wherever the country ends up, Americans will be sure to attempt to deplete it of its natural resources.
However, just because the US has no idea where this new country will be located does not mean the rest of the world is ignorant as well. A number of European states have already said they will recognize the new government and work to establish relations there. Some leaders, like the United Kingdom’s Foreign Secretary William Hague, have not only managed to find the new country, but have also predicted what it will be like.
“A lot of people are saying this `new' Sudan is not going to be as good as the original,” said Hague. “But let me be the first to assure everyone that it is going to have all the things we know and love about the current Sudan. From the rampant spread of the AIDS epidemic, to unbridled poverty, to the proliferation of child soldiers, South Sudan isn’t going to actually solve any problems or be very different from the current Sudan. Come to think of it, the Americans may be on to something. There really is no point in even calling this place a new country.” - Return to Previous Page
ADVERTISING - COMEDY AT THE ARLINGTON DRAFTHOUSE
Jay Pharoah from Saturday Night Live at the Arlington Drafthouse
Steve Lemme and Kevin Heffernan from Super Troopers and Beerfest
Cinematic Titanic (Creators of Mystery Science Theater) LIVE at the Arlington Drafthouse
Porkchop Volcano - Live Short Form Improv Comedy in The Green Room - FREE ADMISSION
Matt Braunger from Letterman, The Tonight Show and MADtv at the Arlington Drafthouse
Neal Brennan Co-Creator of Chappelle’s Show at the Arlington Drafthouse
Powered By Hypertext Media
© PardonThePundit - ABOUT
Pardon The Pundit is a political satire publication that parodies the news and creates fake news. None of our postings should be regarded as truthful,
and none of our references of an individual seeks to inflict malice or emotional harm. We are just ridiculous.