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Congress to fund new program aimed at putting Miley Cyrus in actual clothing
5/24/2012 9:34 AM Matt Rock
Former Disney star and current... uh... whatever it is that she does for money these days, Miley Cyrus, hasn't managed to get her photo taken in public even once so far in 2012 without showing cleavage/ side boob or at least some portion of her underwear. But that's about to change, thanks to a new program instituted by Congress that will buy the pop star clothes that fit.
The program, titled “The Hannah Montana needs to stop being a skank initiative of 2012,” was promoted as a rare bipartisan effort. According to the program's mission statement, their goal is “to purchase tops and bottoms for Miley Cyrus that are stylish and sexy, but don't make her look like a drugged-up prostitute each time she leans over to say `hi' to a friend or a fan in a car.”
Congress reports that the program, which will launch with more than $5,000 worth of Old Navy and Sears gift cards, is funded by the program because the United States' reputation can't afford another major setback at the hands of another spoiled celebrity with little or no talent, making the rest of the world think that American females are, well, similar to Miley Cyrus.
In a related story, talks have entered the final stages of negotiation at the United Nations over how the world can get rid of the whole Kardashian family. China has offered to put the sisters onboard a rocket and fire them into the sun, but the rest of the world, particularly Europe, are concerned that their parents might just have more unprotected sex, producing a new batch of talentless airheads. We'll keep you posted on both stories as they develop, only on PTP! - Return to Previous Page
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