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PTP builds space-time-continuum machine, explores Romney presidency
5/25/2012 10:06 AM Matt Rock
PTP is now officially the first news organization in the world to have traveled through the voids separating our dimension from others, to bring you an exclusive, inside-look at the first four years of a possible Mitt Romney Presidency. Suck on that CNN, with your holograms and your magic walls!
In our own dimension's future, President Obama will pull off a decisive victory, defeating Mitt Romney after the biggest “LOL WTF!” moment in the 2012 elections takes place in September. We can't say anything more about it. Just be prepared to laugh. A lot. So, we decided to head off to a dimension where Romney wins in November, to see what people think of Romney four years later. Here's what we've learned.
Romney takes tax cuts head on, with a major 20% cut to the taxes of the wealthy and to corporations. He decides to pay for this huge loss in revenue by cutting whatever he can from education and the arts, and gutting the rest out of Medicare/ Medicaid. This plan leaves millions of America's poor, and tens of millions of America's seniors, without any sort of health care coverage.
Worse still, the savings barely pay for the huge tax cuts he pushes through, which causes serious problems when aliens (from another planet, not Mexico) invade Earth on June 14th, 2014, spreading a bizarre alien plague. Romney racks up a huge financial debt fighting the alien hordes (we almost warned our readers to avoid Detroit on that date, but then we remembered that no one lives there anymore), and tens of millions of America's seniors and poor citizens are infected with a non-lethal alien plague that causes them to fart out of their mouths.
And this disease isn't the only thing that leaves a sour taste in the mouths of Americans. Romney and his House majority are able to pass, just barely, a re-write on the first amendment to the US Constitution, outlawing all faiths that aren't Christianity-based. This creates a holy war that eventually leads to the downfall of the human race!
Of course, there are other alternate dimensions where Romney wins, but spends his whole time in office pandering to everyone, and ends eight years with a legacy of being America's most boring President. But you wanted to hear about mouth-fart syndrome. Here at PTP, we know our readers! - Return to Previous Page
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