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NJ Governor Chris Christie goes on hunger strike to end Obamacare
5/25/2012 8:25 PM Matt Rock -
New Jersey's portly Governor Chris Christie, famed for appreciating a good fat joke at his expense, has announced that references to his being overweight might be coming to an end soon: Christie vows that starting June 1st, he's going on a hunger strike until President Obama, or a possible future President Romney, gets rid of “Obamacare,” the controversial health care reforms pushed for by the Obama administration.
“I've seen the polling data, and I realize Mitt Romney's chances of winning are pretty slim, unlike me,” Christie explained at a press conference earlier today. “Someone needs to do something provocative, something sincere, if we hope to see Obamacare put to an end. So starting June 1st, I pledge to stop eating, and I'll only drink the minimum amount of water to stay alive, until Obama agrees to sit down with me and discuss shutting it down, all of it.”
Governor Christie says he isn't concerned with any health risks associated with no longer eating. “I went to see a Doctor on Tuesday to ask if this was something I could do. We're waiting for test results, but he felt confident that I could last 19 to 23 months without food, just living off of my body fat alone, so long as I stayed hydrated. After that, it might start to cause problems. But I won't be freakishly thin, you know, unattractively thin like Eva Longoria, for another 7 to 10 months after that.”
One reporter pointed out that “one way or another, Obamacare is going to make you healthier,” to which Christie laughed. “For breakfast this morning, I had eight Five Guys burgers, a bucket of chicken, and that disgusting new Pizza Hut pizza with hot dogs stuffed into the crust, and washed all of that down with so many gallons of Coca Cola that I don't really know how much I drank. That's the American way. No public figure should tell me what's healthy and what isn't, not even the President. Stop looking out for my best interests. I don't mind that I haven't seen my own penis since the 1977 box office premier of `Star Wars.' Stop trying to look at my penis, Obama!” - Return to Previous Page
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