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Congressional Memorial Day celebration nearly results in coup attempt
5/28/2012 3:33 PM Matt Rock
At least a dozen Congressional Republicans and close to fifty others are in custody this afternoon after a Memorial Day picnic on the outskirts of Washington DC nearly turned into a coup d'état of the Federal Government.
Witnesses claim that the picnic was meant to honor both soldiers and American family values. It featured free food, country music, dancing... and an open bar, which ended up being the most highly-utilized offering at the party. Witnesses claim that by 2pm EST (local), most of the picnic's guests were “well-lit,” and the more intoxicated they got, the more fervently they passed around phones and iPads, showing articles and videos on right-wing websites. That's when an unidentified man, believed to be a key organizer in the “Freedom Works” political action group, decided to make a controversial speech.
“You know, Memorial Day is meant to celebrate the soldiers we lost in the Civil War. They used to call it `Decoration Day.' But that was before the lamestream left-wing media got a hold of it, and made it [burp] about hot dogs and shopping and hating America! They say the South will rise again, well, I say today is the day we [belch]... uh, today is the day we go and rise it up again! Whose with me!”
The audience roared, and several guests ran off to their cars, apparently hoping to drive home and arm themselves for a Conservative uprising. However, they all managed to slam their cars into each other in the parking lot, rendering them immobile long enough for local and State police to round up the fully-gassed Representatives and their friends. No injuries were reported, though Fox News is reporting at this hour that most of the partygoers are blaming their car accidents and intoxication on President Obama. - Return to Previous Page
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