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Knitters scared as Pakistan threatens US with embargo over drone attacks
6/4/2012 3:16 PM Matt Rock -
Earlier today, the nation of Pakistan condemned the United States and NATO for drone strikes within their borders, which they claim lessen the strength of trade relations and threaten their existence in the hostile region. Officials in Islamabad are now threatening the United States with a trade embargo unless such attacks cease immediately.
“The sovereignty of Pakistan must be respected by the American imperialists,” declared Pakistani President Asif Ali Zardari. “It was bad enough when they came in and iced Bin Laden in Abbottabad, a military city where we totally didn't know the world's most sought-after terrorist was hiding, wink-wink nudge-nudge, but these drone strikes keep killing even more terrorists on our soil. Drastic measures must be taken if we hope to bring an end to these intrusions.”
“If the United States does not cease and desist from killing our people, we will be forced to wield the strongest weapon we have, apart from our nukes, of course... a trade embargo against the United States,” the Pakistani President continued. “We export knitted and woven apparel, cotton, yarn, and other stuff your grandmother gives you for Christmas because she only knows the watered-down candy-ass version of you. Oh, and rocks. We have lots of rocks in our country.”
The United States doesn't usually endure trade embargoes from other countries; the US is usually the country doing the embargoing. However, President Obama is confident the US can survive without imports from Pakistan. “It might put a slight hurt on arts and crafts stores, but our nation can get by without Pakistani goods. We just hope we can find a peaceful resolution to these issues soon. It would suck to have to fight a war against Pakistan and all those weapons and tanks and airplanes we sold them.” - Return to Previous Page
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