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Executives pounce on Obama after he claims “private sector is doing fine”
6/8/2012 8:25 PM Matt Rock -
President Obama delivered a speech earlier today in which he said that the private sector is “doing fine,” a claim supported by nearly 4.3 million private sector jobs being created in the past 27 months, coupled with approximately 607,000 federal jobs being closed during his administration. But news media are already attacking the President's comments as a gaffe, and one group in particular are lashing out against the President's statement: millionaire business executives.
“The private sector is NOT doing fine,” explained Wallace Fairbanks-Merriweather-DuPont-KFC-Gates-Romney-Moneygobbler XIV, a billionaire CEO and sole heir to the Fairbanks-Merriweather... ugh, that guy's name... family fortune, with an estimated worth of $12,494,757,241.38. “Why, just this morning I found a $50 bill in my hot tub that is supposed to be filled with $100 bills! How can a grown man bathe himself in Benjamins if there are disgusting `floaters' sullying the experience?! It is most heinous!”
Wallace Fair... you know what? We'll just call him “Wally.” “Wally” adjusted his monocle and straightened his top-hat before continuing. “For President `Obama' to claim the private sector is `doing fine' is simply preposterous! I do believe I will fire a thousand workers for this grave insult! Where is my butler? Fetch me my gold-plated Ferrari, so I may call the factories and fire the peasantry, at once!”
Wally also pointed out, however, that he has no intention of voting for Mitt Romney in November. “I have known Mitt for many a year, and I do say, he is most unbearable in our discourse! I suppose it is because he is so impoverished, what with his net worth of a hundred million. Poor people... you can't executive them without revolts, you can't enslave them without pay, and you can't eat them without catching one of their diseases! What the hell purpose doth they serve?!” - Return to Previous Page
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