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Doctors studying “Heineken Seizure” after Commerce Sec. in hit-and-run crashes
6/11/2012 3:30 PM Matt Rock
Commerce Secretary John Bryson is being investigated after having crashed his car three times into two different cars this weekend. But while no injuries and only minor damage to the cars has been reported, doctors are working around the clock to figure out the cause of the crash, after Bryson claimed he suffered seizures.
“We are familiar with epileptic seizures and non-epileptic paroxysmal seizures, but none that would cause Secretary Bryson's symptoms,” said Dr. Jodi Mendez of Johns Hopkins. “slurred speech, blurred vision, an inability to walk in a straight line, intense friendliness and flirting with people you don't really know, angry, almost violent behavior toward people you do know, a sudden infatuation with singing Jimmy Buffett songs, and reporting terrible headaches and negative reactions to sunlight the next morning. That's a bizarre seizure!”
Mendez claims Bryson may have suffered what is known in the medical community as a “Heineken Seizure.” A Heineken seizure, named after renowned German researcher Dr. Hans Heineken, is typically experienced after a person drinks way too alcohol. Most doctors agree that this is probably what caused Secretary Bryson's car accidents as well; not drunk driving, but seizures caused by drinking.
“We're years away from a cure. We might never find one, sadly,” explained Dr. Mendez. “So long as this disease goes untreated, our politicians, business executives, pro athletes, actors, and musicians will all suffer. And last year, literally tens of millions of college students reported also suffering from these sorts of seizures, which proves that this is an epidemic that is growing day by day. We need a cure, or at least a treatment that we can pyramid 97 other drugs on, and we need it today!” - Return to Previous Page
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