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Mitt Romney was the last person to use “gay” to mean “happy,” research shows
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6/12/2012 8:47 PM Matt Rock - A team of researchers from Cambridge University recently set out to study the etymology of the word “gay,” in the hopes of figuring out precisely when, where, and how that word went from meaning “happy” to meaning “homosexual.” After nearly two full years of research, they've been led to the last person in the western world to have ever said the word “gay” with the intention of expressing joy, without knowledge of the word's more popular contemporary meaning. That person? None other than modern GOP presidential candidate Mitt Romney.

On Monday, April 10th of 1995, at approximately 2:18 pm EST, Romney, then working at Bain Capital after having lost his 1994 Senate bid in Massachusetts to incumbent Senator Ted Kennedy, told a group of co-executives at the vulture capitalist firm that he was “the gayest man alive” after having successfully dismantled a company for profit. The Cambridge researchers found audio from the Bain Capital meeting where Romney made the historic statement. They've exclusively shared that audio with PTP. Let's listen in!

Romney: Boy, I sure do love firing people. We just made another nineteen-million off these sorry suckers!

Other Voice: It feels good, don't it?

Romney: Good? Heck, I couldn't be happier right now! I'm the gayest man alive! I wouldn't be happier if I was dancing on top of a rainbow, in the rain, without a shirt on, while listening to that song I heard on the radio for the first time ever this morning.

Other Voice: Sir?

Romney: [singing] Young men... there's no need to feel down... I said, young men, pick yourself off the ground... [stops singing] hey, you think that song is about being a Republican? You know, picking yourself up by your bootstraps? [starts humming]

Other Voice: Mister Romney, you shouldn't use the word “gay” like that

Romney: Why the heck not? I am, aren't I? I'm totally gay! I'm as gay as gay can be! No one is as gay as I am right now! Come over here, be gay with me for a while! [singing again] It's fun to stay at the Y-M-C-A, it's fun to stay at the [stops singing] what is this “YMCA” place? I want to stay there! It sounds like a real hoot!

Other Voice: Um, that word, “gay,” it doesn't mean “happy” anymore. It means “homosexual” now.

Romney: What? Gross! I haven't heard that!

Other Voice: Yeah...

Romney: Boy, don't I look like a dolt! I should go work out to let some stress off. I like to carry this bundle of sticks, also known as a “fag,” around with me, to help burn some calories. You want to grab yourself a nice healthy fag and have some fun?

Other Voice: Uh, yeah... about that...
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Pardon The Pundit is a political satire publication that parodies the news and creates fake news. None of our postings should be regarded as truthful, and none of our references of an individual seeks to inflict malice or emotional harm. We are just ridiculous.