Pardon The Pundit News Feed
Vladimir Putin responds to protests, helps them organize special “Occupy” event
6/12/2012 3:16 PM Matt Rock -
Approximately 40,000 to 60,000 demonstrators rallied in Moscow earlier today in protest of President/ Supreme Ruler/ Lord-Master of the Underworld Vladimir Putin's recently stolen... err, uh, we mean, “won”... re-election. At first, it seemed that Russian authorities would crack down on the opposition protesters, but Putin himself went on Russian television today (“In Soviet Russia, TV watches you!”) not to bash or threaten the protesters, but rather bizarrely, to help them protest more.
“I believe in fair, free, transparent, and honest democracy for the Russian people,” Putin announced, grimacing into the camera with the eyes of a man that just strangled an elderly woman's cat just for funsies. “I only want what is in the best interests of mother Russia. I wish to bring our people together, not tear our motherland apart. But I also hope for the people to know that their concerns are being listened to, and the voice of the people is something we do not take lightly.”
Putin paused for a moment, attempting to feign a grin, but halting when one of his teeth fell out. “This is why I hope to work with opposition leaders to set up an `Occupy' event. We will allow the protesting Occupiers to stay as long as they'd like, for the rest of their lives even, protesting as loudly as they wish to protest. And we've picked out the perfect locations for their Occupy encampments, too... their pick of dozens of old Gulags in Siberia! What better institution to protest than these decrepit symbols of a forgone oppressive era?”
Putin smirked, again trying to show his friendliness, but after all of the television cameras suddenly stopped working, apparently due to broken lens', we could only hear the rest of Putin's speech. “So, I am working closely with police and military forces to round up all of the opposition leaders and their followers, and send them all off to Gulags throughout Siberia, effective immediately. The sooner they're sentenced... I mean... `transported willfully,' to these camps, the sooner their voices can be heard, and the sooner I can get back to making all of your lives a living... `awesome.' Yes... a living awesome.” - Return to Previous Page
|
|
|
|
ARCHIVES
ADVERTISING - COMEDY AT THE ARLINGTON DRAFTHOUSE
Cool Cow Comedy Showcase in The Green Room - ONLY $10 (Featuring Ryan Conner)
Jay Pharoah from Saturday Night Live at the Arlington Drafthouse
Steve Lemme and Kevin Heffernan from Super Troopers and Beerfest
Cinematic Titanic (Creators of Mystery Science Theater) LIVE at the Arlington Drafthouse
Porkchop Volcano - Live Short Form Improv Comedy in The Green Room - FREE ADMISSION
Matt Braunger from Letterman, The Tonight Show and MADtv at the Arlington Drafthouse
Neal Brennan Co-Creator of Chappelle’s Show at the Arlington Drafthouse
Powered By Hypertext Media© PardonThePundit - ABOUT | JOIN | TERMS
Pardon The Pundit is a political satire publication that parodies the news and creates fake news. None of our postings should be regarded as truthful,
and none of our references of an individual seeks to inflict malice or emotional harm. We are just ridiculous.
|