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Rick Santorum staked in the heart by Romney supporter; saved by sweater vest
6/18/2012 3:15 PM Matt Rock -
Former GOP presidential candidate Rick Santorum is being held under police protection this afternoon, after a crazed Mitt Romney supporter attempted to stab him in the heart with a wooden stake. Authorities say Santorum owes his life to a beige sweater vest, which was so stupid-looking the stake splintered rather than penetrating it, because nothing prevents forms of penetration like a sweater vest.
The attack occurred at approximately 1:55 pm EST in Pennsylvania. Witnesses say the assailant yelled “something about vampires insulting mannequins” before lunging forward with his sharp, wooden weapon. Santorum's attacker fled from the scene when his assault failed, and is currently being pursued by local, State, and federal law enforcement agencies.
Sources with the FBI have told PTP that the attack may be related to a recent interview with Alan Ball, the creator of HBO's hit vampire series “True Blood,” where he told a reporter that he based the show's new theocratic vampire character on Santorum, as well as Rick Santorum's recent announcement that he is not interested in serving the Romney administration, should his former primary rival win the general election against President Obama.
Police are warning residence of Pennsylvania to be on the look out for man wearing Tea Party clothing, carrying a large, splintered wooden stake. He can most easily be identified by his Romney campaign pin on his shirt, which reads “I Sand with Mit Ronmey for Amercia!” - Return to Previous Page
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