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Congress proposes new bill to stop hot teachers from having affairs with teenage guys
6/27/2012 8:04 PM Matt Rock
A new bi-partisan House bill proposed on the floor of Congress today aims to stop what some members of Congress are referring to as “a modern-day scourge of epic proportions.” The focus of their wrath? Hot female school faculty members that have sexual relations with their male students.
The bill was initially authored by a Democrat and a Republican shortly after the two men had learned that Megan Crafton, a blonde 22 year-old high school cheerleading coach, had an affair with a 17-year old male student at the school. Crafton pleaded not guilty, with her lawyer insisting she didn't actually violate laws in the State of Indiana, where the legal age of consent is 16. However, she does openly admit to having performed oral sex on the teenager in a supermarket parking lot back in January.
Four Republicans and two Democrats, all male, are sponsoring the new bill, which they've named the “WTF?! Why weren't hot teachers doing this when I was in high school?! FML! Act of 2012.” If it passes, the bill would grant federal funding to local and State law enforcement agencies that work within the boundaries of school districts that have what the bill describes as “smoking-hot babes” in their faculties, and would grant those police departments the right to put surveillance on those teachers, quote, “to ensure they aren't having sex with students, especially while they're sleeping, exercising in skimpy clothes, or in the shower, or at any time when they might be bending over.”
“No one considers this kid to be a victim. Have you seen what Megan Crafton looks like? Holy crap! She's hot!” said one Congressman, who asked that he remain anonymous for some reason. “That kid is the luckiest kid in the world. And this isn't a standalone phenomenon, either. Hot teachers have been having sex with students for a few years now. Sexy teachers are nothing new. We had a few teachers in my high school that definitely fit the bill. But they never went down on me in a supermarket parking lot! Why the hell not?! Seriously, this kid gets to tell that story the rest of his life! It's not fair to the rest of us!”
The bill also ensures that copies of all surveillance tapes must be sent to members of Congress, regardless of whether that attractive teacher is a suspect or not, so that Congressmen, and maybe a few congresswomen, can review the tapes thoroughly, preferably alone, in their homes, with the lights out and the doors locked, when their families are out shopping or visiting in-laws. - Return to Previous Page
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