Pardon The Pundit News Feed
Universal Courts Obama for New Terminator Movie
7/17/2011 7:36 AM HumorTimes.com
Sources within Universal Studios say the company is looking for a new star for its “Terminator” movie series, and that President Barack Obama would be their first choice.
“We realize it would be hard with his grueling schedule as president, but we think it can be done, with a little CGI and a little creativity,” said Universal Co-Chairman Donna Langley. “With his recent exploits in Pakistan, people really see him as The Man now, and we think he would be more believable in this roll [than Schwarzenegger].”
“Arnold Schwarzenegger had a good run, but have you seen him lately? Being governor has made him soft — he’s old and fat,” said Roger Ebert, film reviewer. “It’s not all that surprising that they’d look for a new star for the series. Still, I’m not totally convinced Obama is the right choice. How about Geraldo Rivera or Governor Scott Walker? Now there’s a couple virile fellows.”
“We’re hoping to eventually buy some of the actual footage shot in the Pakistan raid, using the real Osama bin Laden as the protaganist” said Langley, “and CGI the president into the scene wearing some cool Navy Seal garb, you know, with night vision goggles and a hi-tech rifle and all. It would top George Bush’s flight suit by a mile!”
Film experts speculate as to whether the Obama character would utter the same famous lines that Schwarzenegger’s did. For example, amongst the explosions and firefight, Obama and Osama could meet face to face, and after a tense moment, Obama would say, “Hasta la vista, baby,” and shoot Osama dead.
Then, during the hectic sequence where the contingent loses a helicopter and scrambles to get everyone out, he’d exclaim stoically, “Come with me if you want to live!” And, of course, as they are leaving victoriously, he’d look back at stunned Pakistani military officials and shout, “I’ll be back!”
There are other lines he could borrow as well. For example, as they’re being debriefed in Washington, someone might ask whether the operation in a sovereign nation was legal, and the Obama Terminator would say, “Chill out, dickwad.”
Finally, after a parade in his honor, the new Terminator would announce he’s running for Governor of California. Or even President of the United States! - Return to Previous Page
ADVERTISING - COMEDY AT THE ARLINGTON DRAFTHOUSE
Cool Cow Comedy Showcase in The Green Room - ONLY $10 (Featuring Ryan Conner)
Jay Pharoah from Saturday Night Live at the Arlington Drafthouse
Steve Lemme and Kevin Heffernan from Super Troopers and Beerfest
Cinematic Titanic (Creators of Mystery Science Theater) LIVE at the Arlington Drafthouse
Porkchop Volcano - Live Short Form Improv Comedy in The Green Room - FREE ADMISSION
Matt Braunger from Letterman, The Tonight Show and MADtv at the Arlington Drafthouse
Neal Brennan Co-Creator of Chappelle’s Show at the Arlington Drafthouse
Powered By Hypertext Media
© PardonThePundit - ABOUT
Pardon The Pundit is a political satire publication that parodies the news and creates fake news. None of our postings should be regarded as truthful,
and none of our references of an individual seeks to inflict malice or emotional harm. We are just ridiculous.