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Mitt Romney purchased the US Constitution on July 4th, curator says
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7/5/2012 3:05 PM Matt Rock - A curator at the National Archives building in Washington DC has confirmed to PTP that yesterday, on the Fourth of July, presumptive GOP presidential nominee Mitt Romney purchased the original Constitution of the United States.

In a move that most are already assuming is a deflection from the growing Stericycle controversy, in which Romney invested, through Bain Capital, in a medical disposal company than handled human fetuses, Romney unofficially claims that he purchased the Constitution in an effort to “keep Obama from trampling on it any further.”

“Obama doesn't care about the Constitution. And sure, he says he's a `constitutional scholar,' but that just means he's an intellectual liberal elitist!” Romney stated, in a comment that he requested be off the record, but hey, this is some awesome breaking news here! “I felt like purchasing the Constitution was the most patriotic thing an American millionaire like myself could do. It sure beats the hell out of feeding hungry veterans!”

Romney is reportedly storing the Constitution in a safety deposit box in one of the two-dozen offshore banking establishments he frequents for tax evasion purposes. No one is certain how much Romney paid the Federal government for the document, but PTP has been assured that the profit they made in the transaction will in no way be used for anything positive.
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Pardon The Pundit is a political satire publication that parodies the news and creates fake news. None of our postings should be regarded as truthful, and none of our references of an individual seeks to inflict malice or emotional harm. We are just ridiculous.