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Romney donates $1k to Obama campaign, goes from sarcasm to support in seconds
7/9/2012 8:10 PM Matt Rock -
Earlier today, Mitt Romney openly donated $1,000 of his own money to the campaign to reelect President Obama, shocking both campaigns and the media circus that follows them around the country. Romney stated that the donation wasn't an accident, and called on the media to “not make a big deal out of it.”
“In June, my campaign raised $106 million, and Obama only raised $71 million. That means I out-raised him by about $35 million. So I figured he could use the help keeping up,” Romney wryly stated. “I guess I helped him spread the wealth around a bit. Better luck in July, Barry!”
But Romney, who is known to constantly change his positions on everything at the drop of a hat, was quick to reverse his reasoning behind the donation. “Obama is a stand-up guy. He's done a great job leading this country, given the circumstances he's faced, and I really hope that he'll win a second term and defeat me, Mitt Romney, because even I realize I'd make a terrible president.”
This prompted yet another position-shift from the former Massachusetts Governor. “And so that's why you need to vote for me, Mitt Romney. I'm so compassionate about my opponent that I'm giving money directly to his campaign, because I really think he should keep being our president, even though I really want to be president, but I wouldn't be very good at it, even though I would. And also, applesauce!”
Obama campaign officials have refused to comment on the donation, though our sources in the White House have confirmed that President Obama spoke with his senior advisers earlier about the prospect of donating that $1,000 to a homeless shelter, in the hopes that it might short-circuit Romney's cybernetic brain and force him to suspend his campaign indefinitely. - Return to Previous Page
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