Pardon The Pundit Home
news RSS Feed Twitter
HomeNewsNotesAboutJoin UsYouTube VideosFacebookDrafthouse
Pardon The Pundit News Feed
Romney still at Bain Capital, according to newly-discovered tax documents
Facebook Facebook Facebook Facebook Facebook Facebook
7/12/2012 8:05 PM Matt Rock - Mitt Romney and his presidential campaign have claimed repeatedly that the former Massachusetts Governor left the private equity firm Bain Capital in 1999. However, recently-discovered SEC filings show that he actually remained actively involved with the company until 2002. And today, PTP learned that Romney is still serving at Bain Capital, though in a diminished role.

According to tax documents, SEC filings, witness accounts, Romney's private MySpace account (yes, he still uses that), Romney's personal diary, three of his gardeners, two of his sons, eighteen private detectives, two dozen researchers, and this guy Ted that sat next to Floyd on an airplane recently, Romney is still involved with Bain Capital's day-to-day operations, specifically in their unnamed department responsible for abusing puppies, clubbing baby seals, and making sure restaurants sell Pepsi instead of Coke, but that they say “oh, sorry, is Pepsi okay?”

“Mitt is profiting hand-over-fist from Bain. And there's no sign of him letting up on that,” said Ted, who wouldn't stop playing with the tray in front of him and reportedly drove Floyd off the wall with his insistent request not to have a window seat, even though he kept leaning over him to view the scenery. “The secret department he runs is as vile as vile gets. The Democrats know that, and that's why they keep pushing the Bain Capital stuff. It's not like anyone thinks Mitt is a good guy as it is. Vulture capitalism makes just about everyone sick to their stomachs. But he's the lowest of the low.”

Romney has repeatedly denied his continued involvement with Bain Capital, and has thus far refused to comment on the secretive department that he still directly runs. But hey, this is PTP, so chances are you can expect us to get him to say things he'd never tell any other news source in the next few days!
 - Return to Previous Page
PARDON THE PUNDIT TOURING COMPANY LIVE

Showcase - 6 Cast Members (Stand-Up, Improv, Sketch) 75 mins
Feb 24th & 25th 7:30PM/9:45PM at Harman Center for the Arts Downtown DC - $20

Comedy Caucus - 3 Cast Members (Stand-Up) 50 mins
Monday Feb 13th 8PM at Corner Store Arts Capitol Hill - $10


ADVERTISING - COMEDY AT THE ARLINGTON DRAFTHOUSE

Hal Sparks Live at the Drafthouse
Hal Sparks Live at the Drafthouse

Cool Cow Comedy Showcase in The Green Room - ONLY $10 (Featuring Ryan Conner)
Cool Cow Comedy Showcase in The Green Room - ONLY $10 (Featuring Ryan Conner)

Jay Pharoah from Saturday Night Live at the Arlington Drafthouse
Jay Pharoah from Saturday Night Live at the Arlington Drafthouse

Steve Lemme and Kevin Heffernan from Super Troopers and Beerfest
Steve Lemme and Kevin Heffernan from Super Troopers and Beerfest

Cinematic Titanic (Creators of Mystery Science Theater) LIVE at the Arlington Drafthouse
Cinematic Titanic (Creators of Mystery Science Theater) LIVE at the Arlington Drafthouse

Porkchop Volcano - Live Short Form Improv Comedy in The Green Room - FREE ADMISSION
Porkchop Volcano - Live Short Form Improv Comedy in The Green Room - FREE ADMISSION

Matt Braunger from Letterman, The Tonight Show and MADtv at the Arlington Drafthouse
Matt Braunger from Letterman, The Tonight Show and MADtv at the Arlington Drafthouse

Neal Brennan Co-Creator of Chappelle’s Show at the Arlington Drafthouse
Neal Brennan Co-Creator of Chappelle’s Show at the Arlington Drafthouse




Powered By Hypertext Media
© PardonThePundit - ABOUT | JOIN | TERMS

Pardon The Pundit is a political satire publication that parodies the news and creates fake news. None of our postings should be regarded as truthful, and none of our references of an individual seeks to inflict malice or emotional harm. We are just ridiculous.