Pardon The Pundit News Feed
The scandal deepens! Romney invested heavily in company that causes political gaffes
7/13/2012 3:05 PM Matt Rock -
To date, this past week has been the roughest that Mitt Romney's campaign has ever faced. The media is in a frenzy over Mitt Romney's alleged lie regarding Bain Capital, wherein he claimed to have left the private equity firm in 1999, before a bulk of controversial investments took place, but with mountains of evidence showing that he actually remained active in the company as late as 2002. And this weekend, the rabbit hole looks to be growing even deeper.
In 1997, while acting as CEO of Bain Capital, Romney invested heavily in a company called “Gaffester Inc.,” whose mission statement involved causing politicians to endure a string of embarrassing campaign gaffes, one after the next, until they were forced to abandon their attempts at seeking public office. Romney saved Gaffester from financial ruin... and today, the company is employed to attack – you guessed it! – Mitt Romney.
“Gaffester is a bi-partisan company. We attack Republicans, Democrats, third parties, even celebrities and corporations,” said Gaffester CEO Herman Cain, who was hired earlier this year to run the company after his own failed run at the GOP's presidential nomination. “I was a Gaffester target. I mean really, `the 9-9-9 plan?' Reciting the Pokemon theme song? That silly fedora I wore on the campaign trail? When I realized just how effective Gaffester was in ruining my presidential aspirations, I had no choice but to join the company!”
Gaffester won't reveal who hired them to take down Mitt Romney. They were hired in 2009 by their top secret clients with the goal of steering Mitt Romney into the GOP nomination in 2012, putting up a lengthy list of comical primary rivals, and gaffing each of them out of the race one by one. Gaffester does claim, however, that Michele Bachmann managed to gaffe herself out of the race without any help from the company.
When asked by reporters about his involvement with Gaffester, Romney seemed quite positive about the charge. “Look, say what you will about how Gaffester is derailing my campaign day after day. But I look at that company as a crowning achievement. When Bain ran that company, we took it from rigging Marion Barry's hotel room with all that cocaine straight into `the big show.' Are they annoyingly ruining any shot I had at becoming president? Yes. But it was Bain Capital that `made' them that good! Listen to me use the word `poor' in a sentence. That's a testament to just how far I propelled Gaffester forward with my awesome CEO abilities!” - Return to Previous Page
|
|
|
|
ARCHIVES
ADVERTISING - COMEDY AT THE ARLINGTON DRAFTHOUSE
Cool Cow Comedy Showcase in The Green Room - ONLY $10 (Featuring Ryan Conner)
Jay Pharoah from Saturday Night Live at the Arlington Drafthouse
Steve Lemme and Kevin Heffernan from Super Troopers and Beerfest
Cinematic Titanic (Creators of Mystery Science Theater) LIVE at the Arlington Drafthouse
Porkchop Volcano - Live Short Form Improv Comedy in The Green Room - FREE ADMISSION
Matt Braunger from Letterman, The Tonight Show and MADtv at the Arlington Drafthouse
Neal Brennan Co-Creator of Chappelle’s Show at the Arlington Drafthouse
Powered By Hypertext Media© PardonThePundit - ABOUT | JOIN | TERMS
Pardon The Pundit is a political satire publication that parodies the news and creates fake news. None of our postings should be regarded as truthful,
and none of our references of an individual seeks to inflict malice or emotional harm. We are just ridiculous.
|