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George Washington to be exhumed; tomb needs repairs from “constant rolling”
7/19/2012 7:05 AM Matt Rock -
The body of America's first President, George Washington, will be exhumed this weekend from his tomb in Mount Vernon, Virginia, after researchers from the Department of the Interior discovered that “constant rolling” has damaged the wooden coffin and stone tomb he resides in.
According to Interior researchers, radar, x-ray, and thermal imaging equipment were used to assess the structural integrity of Washington's crypt, the tomb inside that crypt, and the coffin inside the tomb. The Interior carries out these examinations annually, and claim that in the past ten years, Washington's coffin, as well as the interior of his tomb, have suffered “excessive, abnormal damage.”
“Washington's coffin and tomb are going to cost us in the neighborhood of $315,000 worth of repairs,” said US Secretary of the Interior Ken Salazar. “He's been rolling in his grave since the Civil War, but it was rare up until the whole Nixon-Watergate scandal. Since then, he's been rolling more frequently, and in the Bush and Obama years, his rolling has bordered on actual flailing around. It's amazing he hasn't burst out of the tomb entirely.”
Washington isn't the only deceased president to posthumously move within his grave. Ronald Reagan has famous clawed his way to fresh air on numerous occasions, especially during the 2008 and 2012 presidential election cycles. Zombie Abraham Lincoln appeared at the Hollywood premier of the film “Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Slayer” in protest of the film's premise. And William Howard Taft famously rolled in his grave in late August of 2011, causing a 5.8 magnitude earthquake on the Eastern seaboard, the epicenter of which was later discovered to be Taft's Arlington, Virginia grave site. - Return to Previous Page
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