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North Korean athletes will not be punished for losing, state TV claims
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8/4/2012 7:05 AM Matt Rock - North Korea's athletes participating in the Olympic games in London this summer will allegedly not endure any sort of punishment due to their inability to win medals, according to State TV, contrasting a story reported by ABC on Thursday that North Korea's government plans to reward medalists with material prizes, while sending losers to labor camps.

“Our brave and glorious leader Kim Jong Un loves all athletes and all sports. He loves everything and everyone,” stated an enthusiastic news anchor on North Korean State TV earlier. “Do not believe the evil west's lies about labor camps. Our glorious leader will merely send those athletes to special sports retreats for four years, where they will play fun games in the grassy fields and eat and drink as much crackers and water as they wish! They will experience much joy and full stomachs as they play their way toward the 2016 games!”

One North Korean athlete in London, who begged and pleaded that we not release his name, concurred with the report, while his military handlers kept a watchful eye on our interview with him. “Our glorious leader wants only for me to succeed and bring honor to our fatherland. Our government treats all athletes with honor and dignity, and we are well fed and sleep comfortably every night.” The handlers then turned away, and the athlete tried to tell us something, but he was whispering and crying, so we decided to leave it there.
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